


Sex, Lies and Videotape

by Clift01



Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: Angst, Domestic Violence, Evil!Jared, Jealous!Jared, M/M, Past childhood sexual abuse, Possessive!Jared, WIP, asshole!jared, bottom!Jensen
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-03-31
Updated: 2015-02-26
Packaged: 2017-12-07 01:57:53
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 12
Words: 37,449
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/742832
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Clift01/pseuds/Clift01
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A really long response to this spnkink prompt:</p><p>Jensen and Chris dated years ago and made a sex tape or several (bottom!Jensen, please?). They broke up but remained good platonic friends. Jensen is presently in a serious public relationship with Jared (married or considering marriage, adopted kids, bought a house together... etc.). Jared is secretly not happy about Jensen being good friends with his ex, but he tolerates Chris. They Chris got his computer stolen or his house robbed, and they took the sex tape! Because they are all relatively famous, the sex tape is leaked everywhere. Everyone wants to see it; people take stills images from the tape. Obviously it was a huge blow to all three of them, especially Jensen. Jensen resents Chris for a bit but forgives him (since his only fault is not deleting the tape after they broke up). Jared, however, is really angry that Jensen forgave Chris so easily and also has a hard time dealing with the fact everyone is seeing his partner as a twink getting fucked in many ways by another guy.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Please take the warnings seriously, and note that in real life I think Jared Padalecki is a nice guy who would never ever hurt anyone. Honest.

So, everyone has a past. Jared knows that. It’s not like Jared met Jensen and Jensen suddenly came into being, blinking into existence from a dark void where there had been nothing before.

Jen had a life _before_ Jared. With a real life family and friends.

Jared knows that.

But … Chris. 

Chris- _motherfucking_ -Kane.

By himself, Jared’s willing to admit that Kane is a good guy. Tough but easy going for it not to be an issue, wry, smart and kinda charming; in some alternate universe they might even be good friends. But in this universe Christian Kane met a teenage Jensen Ross Ackles, and proceeded to annoy the fuck out of Jared Padalecki forever by fucking HIS Jensen to here and kingdom come. And by doing so, ended up with Jared’s ever-lasting enmity.

Jared is aware he can be a little jealous but he’s not an overly possessive moron. He can freely admit, yes, this whole thing between Jen and Kane happened a long time ago, when he, Jared, was nowhere on the scene for either of them. But that did not excuse the fact that Kane has not done the decent thing and disappeared off the face of the fucking planet since; No. Christian Kane was in Jensen’s life as one of his oldest, and best, friends.

So, he kind of would like Kane if he didn’t happen to also be Jensen’s’ ex-boyfriend. But he is and that makes Jared’s emotions a lot more complicated and ultimately means Kane falls from good guy status to all-round pain in Jared Padalecki’s ass.

It’s not so much he’s worried of the competition: Jared is pretty damned gorgeous himself, thank you very much. Kane is older than both of them and looks every one of his years (and more, Jared bitchily thinks). Kane is a midget with bad hair. Well, sort of a midget. Stood next to six foot six of Padalecki he is anyway, and yeah, Jared will do his best to highlight the height difference anytime Kane ventures anywhere near his Jensen. Jared will flex his muscles, straighten his back, refuse to slouch and hide his near giant status in the world like he normally does. So he likes looming over the midget. Sue him. 

Christ. _His_ Jensen?

Okay, maybe he is a possessive asshole.

It smarts that the dwarf could care less about the height difference anyway. Chris will give Jared one of his lopsided smug smirks, like he knows what that kid Padalecki is up to (and he probably does. Smug douche), and flex his own muscles and that make Jared feel like the neurotic jealous boyfriend he so is not.

=

The problem is, Jared knows how closed off Jen can be. How guarded he is of new people in his life - and for good reason too. Jensen is beautiful. Not in a _‘hey, he’s attractive’_ , but in a _‘oh holy fuck, how fucking gorgeous is he?_ ’ way, that turns heads and makes others a little bat shit crazy. Jared’s seen people, sane sensible human beings, suddenly fall apart when Jensen walks into a room. They stare, men and women, not quite believing what they are seeing and most of the time that is it. It is like a hypnotic trance and most snap out of it, maybe a little embarrassed. But sometimes … well … there’s a line crossed that shouldn’t be. 

Like touching Jensen. Yeah. That has actually happened in front of him, and yes, Jared has been a little forceful in his own response. Hey, the man is Jared’s partner and they have been out and proud for over nearly 13 months now. Inappropriate touching of his man is not allowed, unless Jared’s the one doing the touching.

So over the years Jensen has learned not to smile casually at people, not to invite any extra craziness into his life. Even on set, with the cast and crew that have become something like family, Jen is careful in how he is with people. 

Jared has his suspicions about how often – and how – that line might have been breached in the past. He’s tried to ask without directly asking a couple of times, but Jensen will ignore the implied question and move on. Jared lets him, because he’s not a dumb guy and he wants his lover to open up when the time is right for him. And part of Jared wants to live in denial, even while the other irrational part of him wants names and addresses so he can embark on a short killing spree.

So Jared bites his tongue and keeps guard. When it is Sam and Dean, it’s the older brother in the frontline trying to guard his sibling; but when it’s Jared and Jensen, then it’s Jared who’s stepping slightly in front of Jensen, keeping a hand on him in public and pulling him out of the way if it’s needed. It is a commonplace sight that has been snapped by fans and paps, and it always gets a laugh at conventions and with friends. It’s a little possessive, Jared’s man enough to admit that, but it’s not like he’s super-crazy.

No, he saves the super-crazy shit for Chris.

Like right now: Jared’s got a smile plastered over his face as he watches Chris and Jen giggle through their beers. That is fine. The super-crazy part is Jared’s burning jealousy that wants him to reach over and smack the glass out of Kane’s hand, and then smack the cretin out of the bar, over the Canadian border and ultimately out of Jensen’s life. Forever. He’s got big hands. He could do it.

Chris and Jensen are friends, and not just because they fucked on a regular basis in the not-too-distant past, but because Jensen trusted Christian at a time when he was at his most vulnerable: barely 18, naive and newly arrived in Hollywood and …

He should be grateful for Kane. Jared knows the friendship and help he gave Jensen got him through a difficult time that could easily have destroyed him. There is a strong emotional bond between them and it just drives Jared crazy.

Like…

Like right now. _There._ The look that passes between Kane and Jen with no visible emotion on their faces, but a world of understanding in their eyes and not one fucking word exchanged. And Jen does that smiling nod thing in response to whatever Chris is asking in their secret language. Jared has his own version of that with Jensen too, and he can count on the fingers of one hand the number of people Jensen has that with – and be left with plenty of change.

Jared jumps a little: surprised by Jensen’s foot gently nudging his under the bar table.

“Back from the dead?” Jensen jokes.

“Ha?” Jared responds intelligibly.

Jensen looks concerned. “What’s up with you Jay? Chris’ offered to buy the next round and you zoned out.”

Jared turns and sees Chris at the bar (ha, short asshole is practically on tiptoes trying to get noticed), and he seizes his opportunity. 

“Long day on set,” he winces. “Same as you, Jen. And you know what? If we leave now we can go home and I can -.” He’s being a bastard; Jensen hasn’t seen his old friend for almost six months and this is the first time they’ve been able to spend any quality time together. As soon as Kane had told them he was visiting, Jensen had been planning how to make the most of it. The plan was simple: get drunk. Get a little drunker. Have some fun and then crash at their place and drink some more until they had to pour Chris back onto a plane.

“Jay, as much,” and Jensen leaned in close so the people at the next table couldn’t hear “as I love your cock in my ass, we can fuck anytime.” His lover’s foot curled around his under the table. “It’s Friday night and we can catch up on your beauty sleep tomorrow. But tonight I want us to spend some time with Chris. Both of us. Like I do when it’s Chad.” The look he gave Jared was meaningful: he knew exactly what the issue was.

“We’re not ditching him – I’m just saying if we head back home we can drink ourselves into oblivion there.” Genius plan. That way, yes, Kane would still be lurking around like a bad smell, but at least Jared would be able to smooch with his man as much as he wanted. Of course, if it gave out the right signals (roughly translated as _‘Back the fuck off Shortie, I’ve got Jenny now!”_ ), so much the better.

Chris overheard the last bit about drinking at home and planted the beer and shots on the table. “Hey man, if you’re tired I don’t mind calling it an early night--”

“Great!” Jared stood, knocking back his beer in one big almighty gulp, and then starting immediately on his shot, downed it in one. “I’ll go get us a cab.”

“--after a few more rounds.” Chris trailed off weakly.

==

Jensen was pissed.

Most of the time, Jared was a sane guy, but sometimes, he slipped and displayed his inner 12 year old bitch. This whole jealousy thing was moronic and Jensen wanted Jared to get the fuck over it. So he did his best to ignore Jared on the cab ride home; difficult to do when seated next to the six foot six moron, and nigh on impossible when said drunk moron decided to wrestle him onto his lap and devour his lips.

“Quit biting me asshole!” Jensen struggled in his arms, and really it was ridiculous. None of them were small men and Jared was a huge, and there were flailing limbs and cries of pain from all three of them as Jared gripped him tight enough to bruise, and he tried to free himself as Chris tried to dodge them and not get hit.

The cab came to a screeching halt, and all three slumped forward, Jensen worse off when Jared bumped into him. The driver turned in his seat and did some glaring of his own. “No fighting! You want to fight, you get out of my cab!”

Jensen smiled, and really, he totally deserved his rep as an actor, because the only thing he wanted to do was slap Jared around the head. But he took a deep breath and smiled at the driver and calmed him down, swearing they would behave themselves. He also manoeuvred himself so that Chris was now wedged between him and Jared. 

“I’m cold,” Jared complained drunkenly, turning puppy eyes on him. He’d had a fair bit to drink and Jensen wasn’t surprised he was inebriated. As dumb as he was acting it also made it difficult to be mad at him. And Jensen had a tough time resisting that pout.

“Hug Chris,” Jensen teased, gently shoving his friend over. “He’ll keep you warm.”

Jared and Chris eyed each other up. The look in both their eyes was murderous. 

“Do it and die,” Chris intoned with mock seriousness.

Jared nodded seriously and held his hands up in surrender. Before reaching over to pinch Chris’s cheek. “You’re so sweet, Chrissy Kane, just like your name. Hey, you’re Kandy Kane!”

Chris crooked an eyebrow. “Boy, do I look like I am Santa's slutty stripper helper?”

Jared snorted giving him a long hard look that he was attempting to soften and Jensen loved him for trying. “I guess it would help if you had a stripper pole made of candy cane.” 

Jensen laughed and he saw realisation dawn in Jay’s eyes at his own words. “No. No - that's a step too far. If you show me your pole Kane, I’ll tear my eyes out.”

“Ahh, don’t be like that honey. I’d let you lick it if you asked nicely. Just ask the boys how much they enjoy it.”

And just like that the awkward with a side order of simmering anger was back.

Jensen cringed even before the words were fully out of Chris’s mouth, and yup, sure enough, Jared’s good humour disappeared and his remembered jealousy flooded back at the blatant reminder of just who in the cab might once has sucked off Chris. Jared didn’t speak but then he didn’t have to; the fleeting good humour was all gone.

Damn.

Goodbye nice guy he loved and hello jealous asshole.


	2. Chapter 2

In the beginning, Jared had not been like this. Jensen and Jared had met, and Jensen had liked the guy just fine, which was good considering they were going to be co-stars in a two man show. What he did not know at the time was that Jared had liked him hell of a lot more than just fine, and had wanted him.

Whatever Jared’s tactics were, they had worked. In truth, Jensen had been blindsided by the man’s friendship and he’d fallen in love with Jay so effortlessly it had been seamless. Looking back it had been too easy; Jared had wooed him (as corny as that sounded) and oblivious to anything but the friendship on offer, Jensen had fallen in love. 

One day Jared’s goofy grin made him laugh; the next day it was different. They were on set, both exhausted, Jensen standing on a small box next to Jared so that the height difference was not so pronounced waiting for the cameras to roll, when Jared had just looked at him and Jensen had felt ridiculous, very aware that he was a full ass grown man perched on top of a box, and then suddenly… the world had narrowed down to Jared, and everything else; the last minute script changes, the long day stretching endlessly ahead of them, the bitingly cold rain, and even the cast and crew, disappeared, until all that remained was Jared. Jared had grinned, his dimples and teeth all flashily on show, like he knew what was going through Jensen’s head and was thinking ‘about damn time you caught up shorty’. Jensen, girl that he was, had melted.

Life was never that easy for anyone and of course, it was too good to be true. Some of the backlash when they’d come out had been ugly – and there were several seriously strained friendships and family relationships too. The media attention was dying down now (apparently interest in two actors playing brothers in a TV show who fucked off camera _could_ wane. But then you could only pap so many photos of Jared climbing/kissing/picking up/and generally manhandling Jensen, before it became a boring everyday circumstance. It only occurred to Jensen, long after the fact, that this had been part of Jared’s _masterplan_ all along. Jensen had been blown away by his sheer genius). But while the media focus lasted, their very public outing in the spotlight had benefitted the show.

With Jared at his side, the media scrutiny had been easy to handle. Instead of floundering Jared had anchored him and made him feel protected and Jensen had not felt safe for a long time. Maybe never. Except … maybe you could have too much of a good thing. Jay was attentive, and Jensen would be lying if he said he hated that, but it seemed like his eyes never strayed from Jensen anymore.

He was becoming increasingly possessive – when out in public Jared’s hand was always on his arm in a steely grip, steering him forever away or towards what he wanted, and there were mornings Jensen woke up covered in bruises. He learned to live with it: the alternative to try and fight off Jared was ridiculous and impossible considering the sheer size of the man and the resulting amount of attention it would gain. 

They were arguing more and they were guys so sometimes it could get a little physical. Jensen tried to be patient and understanding but it made no sense; he’d never cheated on his partner, never, it was just not in him to do that, and especially not to Jared. The way he felt about Jared was special and he loved him; and he wasn’t afraid to willingly out themselves as a couple and risk losing friends, family and career, but ostensibly it wasn’t enough. Time together wasn’t reassuring him, instead Jared’s jealousy was snowballing; over everyone in general, and ex-boyfriends, and Chris, in particular. Jesus, even awe struck fans were on Jared’s shit list these days. 

The only tactic Jensen used was avoidance but it was shaping up to be an epic flop. Evidenced by the tension you could cut with a knife in the cab.

He didn’t know what to do, but he knew he didn’t like the effect it had on Jared. It made him quiet and sullen and made him hold on even tighter. And … crap.

It scared Jensen. 

The tighter Jared held on, the more Jensen wanted to run screaming in the opposite direction. 

Jared usually masked his height and muscles and played the gentle giant to perfection - most of the time. But when he was angry, with whatever he thought of Jensen in his head, Jared used his bulk to intimidate.

Some of it was Jensen’s fault; at least how cruel the sex could be now, because the first time Jared had gone all cave man on him, Jensen had loved it, or thought he had. He had savoured the wild animalistic fury in Jared unleashed with his brute strength. Jared had hauled him out of the bathroom furiously tearing at his clothes, pushing and holding him up on tiptoes against the wall to harshly kiss him and bite at his lips, forcing him to take it, before throwing him roughly onto their bed and then finally, oh god, finally, just plunging two dry fingers into him, and Jensen, buckling with the raw blinding hurt of it, begging for more, begging for Jared to quit teasing dammit and just fuck him already, and Jared had slammed him higher up on the bed until he could hold his wrists down with one hand and then did just what Jensen had begged for and had fucked him hard and fast and furious.

It had hurt, had to have hurt Jared too, both of them more used to the careful prep that drove Jensen quietly out of his mind in anticipation, and there had been a moment when Jared had slammed into him that he was going to take it all back and beg Jared to stop, but lost the breath to even whimper in the wake of one agonising thrust after the other, and all he could do was look up into his lover’s dark stormy eyes, seeing anger and deliberate intention to hurt, his mouth open in silent agony and god he could feel himself tear and bleed, but then Jared had moved just right and mixed in with the pain there was just enough blinding pleasure to spark through Jensen, to make him scream until he came so hard he blacked out, impaled on his lovers cock still pistoning in and out of his body. 

By the time awareness flooded back, his entire body was in agony, and this time the screaming was all pain. Jared, his body slick with sweat, was watching him, heated eyes intent on his, cock still inside him, still fucking in, fucking him harder even as Jensen’s face contorted in agony and he could only grunt in pain until Jared grunted harshly and he came, ramming home hard one last time and pumping Jensen full of cum.

Exhausted, he had slumped heavily on top of the smaller man and Jensen had let him, not really having a choice anyway, and biting down on his own lip to stop himself from crying out. When Jared’s harsh breaths slowed, he had finally shifted to kiss him; gently this time; his orgasm having bleached all the anger away and Jensen had not been able to hold back the cries of pain at the continual shift of Jared’s huge cock inside him.

As carefully as Jared withdrew from Jensen’s abused hole, it had been torture, and this time when Jensen blacked out it was not from pleasure. When he woke up he was curled in a foetal position, his arms cradled over his knees and belly as he whimpered.

Jared had been stricken. He sat, wide-eyed, on the other side of the bed watching over him as Jensen tried to move and sobbed. Jared’s face crumpled, and it was that broken look that had given Jensen reason to ignore the pain and try again, until Jared had swooped in and cradled him in his arms.

Afterwards, Jared had carefully and patiently cleaned him up and Jensen counted his lucky stars that the tearing was minimal and the bleeding had already stopped. There was no way he’d have been able to face a doctor with this. He’d been lucky. And Jared had been great, feeding him painkillers and uttering soothing words as he held him in his arms in the dark.

It was only in the morning that Jensen realised what had been bothering him all night. 

Jared hadn’t apologised. Not once.

==

That time, Jared had been pissed off about a fan overstepping the mark and touching Jensen. It hadn’t been much really – just a caress of his cheek – so quick and unexpected that Jensen was left shocked and unable to react before Jared had marched over and almost broken the man’s arm.

Luckily there had been no photographers around or the whole incident could have become a lot messier. Instead Kripke had stepped in, one of the stunt men bundling Jared away, and the man, a fan who’d managed to sneak on to set, had apologised profusely for touching Jensen once he had gotten over his pain.

Jared had disappeared to god knows where by the time things calmed down, and wasn’t picking up his calls, so Clif drove Jensen home. As he left the set Jensen felt numb, and was barely aware of Kripke in the background yelling at on-set security. He sat in the passenger seat, staring out the window and not thinking about anything but the pure rage on Jared’s face as he had torn the stranger away from him and the moment he was pulled away himself and stared at Jensen with disgust. Like Jensen had done something so horrible Jared could barely stand to look at him. 

The drive home was quick and Clif had turned worried eyes on Jensen and tried to invite himself in but Jensen begged him off. 

Trudging into the too quiet house Jensen ignored the kitchen, forgoing food for the bathroom and bed. He was washing his face when he caught sight of himself in the bathroom mirror and had been unexpectedly ashamed. Jensen stilled, stared at his reflection and forced himself not to look away. Green eyes, dense lashes, a smatter of freckles across his nose and cheekbones and _(cock sucking)_ lips all stared back at him. He touched his cheek where the man, the stranger, had touched him, and tried not think about why. He felt numb there, like the skin had been marked. What it was about him that made people do things like that.

It wasn’t his fault. It wasn’t.

That was when he caught sight in the mirror of Jared standing behind him framed by the bathroom door. Staring at him; coldly, impassively. 

And knew it was a lie.

==

And if Jared reacted so badly to an overzealous fan, how was he going to handle this accidental reminder over his past relationship with Chris? Jensen sat back in his seat, and took a deep breath, silently begging for this not to go bad. _Not tonight, Jared, not tonight with Chris here._


	3. Chapter 3

He hadn’t told anyone that occasionally Jared … Jensen stopped himself mid-thought.

_Jared occasionally what?_

Hell, there was nothing to tell. Jensen simply needed to do a better job reassuring Jared … and … he warily eyed the stairs where Jared had moments ago stormed off and the thought of following him made his heart sink. He should join Jared and talk him down, but he didn’t want to. Chris was here for one lousy night and he wanted to spend time with him, not pander to his boyfriend’s irrational jealousy. It was not that he was afraid to face Jay--

_(liar)_

\--but a non-angst catch up with a good friend he hadn’t seen in a while was far more appealing.

Chris was game; he drank one beer with him and they discussed old friends he had not seen for a while. After the night they’d had it was kind of depressing hearing how much he’d missed out on, and why the hell was that? Sure there was work but there was always that getting in the way. Unconsciously, his eyes drifted upstairs. It didn’t mean all his old friendships had to die.

When Jensen grabbed them a second beer Chris gave him a hard look and took both bottles away to ask the million dollar question.

“What’s going on, Jen?”

“What do you mean?” It was a useless evasion; Chris was not someone who would take the easy route to avoid a few bumps in the road, especially where a friend was involved.

“Yeah, don’t play dumb, Jenny. It doesn’t suit you as much as you’d think.” Chris levelled a look at him that Jensen knew from old. After all the weird tension with Jared, talking with Chris was a relief; blunt as he was he had always been good at cutting through bullshit. 

“I don’t know. He … Jay’s not happy and he doesn’t trust me. I don’t know what I’m doing wrong,” Jensen rubbed his eyes. God, he was so tired all the damn time. He wanted to sink into a soft bed and sleep and stop feeling so damned useless and unsure of himself. “Everything, it feels like I’m doing everything wrong sometimes,” he laughed bitterly.

Chris looked at him warily. “Are you? Doing something wrong?” It was exactly the wrong question to ask and its effect on Jensen was instantaneous.

“You mean does he have a reason to be jealous? Screw you!” Jensen snapped. “I’m not fucking around and you of all people-”

Chris held up his hands in mock surrender. “No, you’ve got me wrong. I know you Jen. I don’t judge and I know how uptight you would be about screwing around on someone. But what I don’t get is why you’re acting so guilty around him. Just talk to him.”

“I’ve tried.”

“Try again. Clear the air with him and do it tonight.”

==

Jared didn’t even pretend to be asleep when Jensen slipped into their bedroom. He flipped over onto his back in the bed and crooked angry accusing eyes on him and Jensen died a little inside. _Please god_ , he thought, _please not tonight, not when Chris is here._

“We should talk,” Jensen hazarded.

“Where’s the asshole?” The words were bitten off angrily.

“Jared. Talk. Not fight. Please?” he sat on the bed pulling his legs up in front of him (all the better) to face Jared and tried to smile, trying to be conciliatory as possible. 

Jared considered him for a moment, before sitting up and arranging some pillows behind him. He was tense; Jared knew that, his entire body _ached_ with it, so he took a deep breath and tried to calm himself.

“Well, what do we talk about Jen? How about the weather, or hey, how about your ex-lover sleeping in my guest room?”

“Yeah, the key word being ‘ex’, Jared. Dammit!” Jensen stopped before he got riled up himself. “Yeah, he’s my ex and this is not news to you. You said you were okay with us being friends because that’s all he is to me. A _friend_. And, asshole, it’s _our_ guest room. It’s _our_ house and _our_ fucking lives together we’re discussing.”

“Our lives, Jen? Right, the two of us and of course fucking Kane!”

“Crap, this again? Really? You said you were okay with him coming up here. It’s the first time in what – six months? – that I’ve seen him and you just pretended to be fine with it.”

“Because I was sick of you talking about him. I figured get him up here, get him out of your system and maybe you’d shut the fuck up about him for an hour or two. And yeah, he’s up here the first time in six months but you two talk on the phone all the time don’t you? C’mon - tell me how many times a week? Is it three, five times a week for how many hours? I know he calls you all the time. You guys speak more in a week than we do - and we live and work together. How the fuck is that even possible?”

“Okay, now you’re being a moron Jay. He calls me two or three times a week, and you and me: we talk every day because we see each other all the time; 14, 18 hours a day because we live and work in each other’s pockets. And what are you saying now? That I can’t be friends with Chris because you’re fucking me and you don’t like it?”

“Can you blame me? You talk all the time and you’re all over him whenever-”

“So we talk on the phone a couple of times a week for a grand total of an hour or two. You talk to your friends – you even talk to Sandy now and then. I know you do Jay, so don’t give me that look! And how the fuck am I all over Chris? I don’t …” He stopped himself from what he was about to say and looked up at Jay, his large green eyes misty.

“You don’t what?” Jared asked, scared and not liking the way Jensen had stumbled to a halt. When Jensen finally spoke he sounded exasperated.

“I am tired. We do this all the time and I can’t do this Jay. I can’t and I don’t want to. Jared you police me and anyone in a 20 foot radius around me. No one gets near me without your say so. You’re … you’re suffocating me. I feel like I’m in the wrong if someone as much as looks at me and I can’t do anything right and I’m constantly hurting you. We can’t go on this way. You don’t trust me and I don’t know why. I hate this Jared; I hate what it’s doing to us. I hate how we are together and it just keeps getting worse and I don’t know how to make it any better. Just tell me what you want. Please, just tell me.”

It was like someone had poured ice cold water over Jared. Jensen’s palpable misery sobered him up. Was Jensen thinking of leaving? “Jen, I know. I’m sorry. I don’t want … I know it’s crazy and I trust you. It doesn’t come across that way but I do. I don’t want us to give up, please don’t leave me,” he broke off, his voice choking on the words, and he tried but couldn’t stop the tears.

Jensen crawled into his lap, legs straddling either side of Jared, and hugged him. “Jay, no. I didn’t say that – I didn’t mean that. I love you, Jay, and I would never leave you. Never. But man, you’ve got to tell me what you need from me so we can get over this.” He softly brushed the tears off Jared’s face and kissed his lips gently.

“Tell me, man, tell me what you need and I’ll do it.”

==

And after they had talked long into the night, Jared kissed Jensen sweetly and stripped him naked. He could tell Jensen was tired and needed to sleep and maybe he had been a little forceful in the face of Jen’s reluctance. Jensen had bitten his lip and tried to keep quiet which just spurred Jared on even more, pinning him and bending him tighter, and fucking into his lover harder to get him crying out, and maybe, just maybe, some of those cries had a tad too much pain rather than pleasure ratio. But he wanted Jensen to let loose, to cry out loudly as Jared fucked him.

He wanted Chris to hear.

==

The deal, negotiated into the early hours of the morning was simple: Jensen would lay off the relentless contact with Chris. Not forever. Just for a few months. Until Jared could deal. And in return, Jared promised to trust him and resist the urge to play bodyguard.

It was a win-win situation. 

It was for the best. Even if Jensen felt like shit the next morning when he told Chris they should not speak for a while.


	4. Chapter 4

For a time, it was better. 

In fact, it got so good Jensen had trouble remembering why he’d ever been worried in the first place. And when he booked them onto a vacation so they could spend time alone, just the two of them with no interruptions, it was pretty much perfect. Jared loved it, and rewarded Jensen each night by making love to him and ensuring Jensen came twice as many times as him – whether it was on his fingers, his cock or the dildo he’d packed for the trip. 

Jensen’s gait suffered critically over the course of the week, and watching his lover walking gingerly made Jared smugger than it should have. It meant a lot that Jensen never denied him, never once tried to stop him even when it had to be painful for him. Jared could easily overpower the other man, and maybe a couple of times in the past he had used a little more force than was warranted with Jen, but he treasured the complete control Jensen willingly gave him, loved being granted permission to dominate him totally. To have Jensen come from being fucked with just Jared inside him – even if he was using a toy at times – made him feel awesome.

He swatted Jensen’s ass playfully in the kitchen as the smaller man mixed up pancake batter for dinner. They had spent all day in bed, fucking for hours until Jensen had begged for mercy, so it made sense for a late breakfast. Well, it did to Jared anyway who demanded his sugar-fix if he was to make good on his promise to fuck Jen another two times tonight anyway. From the anxious look Jensen had shot him, he knew Jen wouldn’t mind if he skipped out on his promise and allowed him to sleep instead.

He left Jen cooking up a storm in the kitchen for the living room, and slumped onto the sofa wishing he could extend their break indefinitely. He felt truly settled.

It, this time alone with Jensen, was smoothing all his edges away and Jared felt at peace. The way he’d been treating Jensen … he had a hard time believing his actions himself. His mind shied away from some of the memories and in truth, he was a little astounded Jen hadn’t packed his bags and told him to go fuck himself already. He had never been possessive over partners before, and this whole episode with Jensen confused him; but then none of his other lovers had ever attracted attention the way Jensen did. The guy only had to walk into a room and women and men clamoured for his attention, and he knew Jensen did his best to discourage it, had even on occasion ignored the most blatant come-ons but it did little to appease Jared. As time passed he’d come to view anyone approaching Jensen with suspicion - and Chris had pushed all his buttons in the wrong way. 

But that was over now: for the first time in several months he felt like himself; like the good guy everyone thought Jared Padalecki was, and not this cold stranger who treated the world at large with suspicion. He had been terrified, as time passed, convinced he was going crazy even as his vigilance over Jen increased, always watching to make sure he was safe, make sure he was _his_ and that everyone knew it. Before, when Jensen had asked if he minded Chris visiting, Jared had shrugged, thought _why not_ , and believed he was fine with it – or at least that he could grit his teeth and get through it. He didn’t like the idea of his partner and ex-boyfriend still being close friends (who did?) but that was normal, right?

What he hadn’t expected was the scorching jealousy when Chris embraced Jensen. The theory had been uncomfortable but seeing the reality had been a slap in the face. From then on every look and every touch – however fleeting – had struck him with the realisation that once Jensen had been Kane’s. That all the intimate places Jared touched Jen, all those spots he had learned to exploit to drive him crazy with want had been discovered by Kane already. He couldn’t get the image of Kane fucking bareback into Jensen, spending himself inside him; it was on constant loop in his head and it haunted Jared. That Kane might even know Jensen’s body better than him was enough to push him over the edge into fury.

The awareness changed him, affecting his worldview and casting suspicion over everyone. Overwhelmed and upset he didn’t understand how to control it. None of it, not the world, not his family or work or Jensen made sense, and he felt like it was all spinning out of control, until he was slipping so fast he had lost all footing. At times, he’d felt so detached and isolated he didn’t even feel human. As much as he wanted to blame Jensen for attracting unending attention, he wasn’t to blame, even though he bore the full brunt of it. Jared had been angry and filled with resentment at anything that took Jensen’s attention away from him - and he was scaring Jen, Jared knew that, but it scared him just as much if not more. Worse, a part of him was secretly thrilled that Jensen’s reaction nowadays was tinged with fear.

Damn himself to hell he _liked_ it when his boyfriend flinched. How sick was that? That was not Jared; he was a nice guy. Easy smiles and easier manner and he had to show Jensen that too. Hell, Jared had to show himself.

His thoughts were spoilt when Jen’s cell rang.

It annoyed Jared more than it should have. He had given _clear_ instructions to their agents, network, friends and family that they should only call in the direst of emergencies, and so far everyone had kept away. No one knew where they were and Jared had gone as far to leave his cell phone at home, but no, Jensen had brought his with him, stubbornly insisting they had at least one way for the outside world to contact them.

“Get that for me!” Jensen yelled from the kitchen. He popped his head round the door and Jared smirked at the flour dusting Jen’s nose that he had smeared there himself not five minutes ago. Even with no effort put into it Jensen was gorgeous. Actually, he looked better well fucked; his plump lips swollen from Jared’s forceful kisses, love bites littering his neck (even if Jensen complained they were too old for that shit), his hair dishevelled and swamped in Jared’s oversized t-shirt and shorts. Every time Jensen had showered Jared pulled him back down to mess him up again, covering him in loving kisses, sweat, spit and cum. He wanted to smear himself all over Jensen and mark him permanently.

“Someone better be dead,” Jared muttered, only half-jokingly. “At least there’d better be blood.”

And if Jared had his way, there would be. It was Mr. Asshole’s name flashing on the display of Jensen’s cell. 

Perfect. Just fucking perfect.

His good mood soured immediately. Jared dropped the call, and deleted it from the call log before he even realised what he was doing. He switched off the phone and hid it behind the cushions on the couch; not willing to allow anything to spoil what was shaping up to be the best week of his life. Later, when Jensen asked, he lied and said it was a missed call, and that there had been no number displayed.

Try as he might, it made him pretty fucking angry that Kane of all people had called, imposing himself on their time when he knew he was the last person Jared wanted interfering, and if later Jared was little rougher in bed that night than he’d planned, then no one was around to actually hear Jensen cry out anyway. 

==

By the time Jared returned the cell phone to Jensen they were in a cab nearing home. They were barely minutes away and Jared was grudgingly aware he had to hand it back some time. Still, he handed it over with good humour, offering Jen a mischievous smirk.

Jensen turned disbelieving eyes on him even as he fiddled with his cell to check messages. 

“You’re kidding me. You had it all the goddamned time? Jay, you fucking asshole, I spent hours looking for-”

“Watch your mouth, Jen,” and Jared was kidding, really he was, but Jensen shut his mouth instantly and the thrill Jared got at the fast capitulation was hard to deny. On top of watching Jensen search fruitlessly for the phone, the whole episode tickled him. So okay, maybe he was still a little pissed at Kane (and Jensen) for trying to force himself on them. 

The cab was about to turn into their drive when Jared spotted the cameras and journalists outside their home. His stomach sank; there was no way this was good news. There were almost a dozen of them: photographers and journalists, some of whom Jared had met before, and even a couple of camera crews. He stared at the scene blankly and then at his partner; Jensen hadn’t looked up yet, was still staring at his phone, his face a shade too pale for whatever he had found there to be anything positive.

“Jay, something’s wrong,” Jensen whispered, his voice strained and when he finally tore his gaze away from his cell the look on his face was shattered; but Jared was already reacting, barking out instructions and getting the driver to smoothly coast on and past their home and away from the media circus camped out on their doorstep.

==

Sixty messages.

Sixty goddamn answer machine messages. From family and friends and agents, some shocked, some angry but all quietly panicking and insisting they phone back, and not to worry about what time of night they called, but _just to call the hell back as soon as possible._

And two messages from fucking Chris Kane. 

An apology. Both times. In the first, his voice a strange mix of anger but also hesitant and wary, on the brink of panic at times, as he begged Jensen to call him. Promised he’d do everything he could to contain the problem. _Everything._

The second time, his voice was overcome with misery, apologising and begging for forgiveness, and breaking into choked off cries.

_I’m sorry, so sorry Jenny. I just couldn’t …_

But it was too little, and much too late.


	5. Chapter 5

**Big fat warning: there is nasty graphic rape and a horrible awful Jared coming up. Please do not read if this likely to offend.**

Jared hauled their luggage into the house his agent had rented. 

Marcus Saunders, the poor guy, had been waiting for their call, ready to spring into action with plans for them to hide out while they strategized to ‘deal with this shit storm’. Marcus knew Jensen, had known him for years and they weren’t friends but they had shared a couple of beers now and then; but throughout their rushed meeting he’d kept his eyes on Jared, only referring to Jensen as if he wasn’t in the room. The one time their eyes had met he’d turned away quickly, his skin reddening slowly. Jensen watched the colour blooming over his neck and gradually his face. It was with dawning horror that Jensen realised Marcus must have seen some of the footage. He flushed, ashamed and hoping Jay hadn’t understood the implications. At that point he’d had trouble comprehending how fucked up their lives now were, but he was beginning to understand.

In turn Jared had sat there, stony faced, not showing an ounce of emotion as he listened and nodded. Looking at Jared, it was impossible to guess what he was thinking. Jensen had no idea if he should be grateful or not. 

Now, he stood rooted to the spot, watching his controlled lover carry their luggage. Jensen stumbled as he followed Jared into the place that was going to be their new home for a while at least, his gait no longer so fucking funny to Jared. He had tried to grab one of the bags but the look Jared had shot him convinced him the last place he wanted to be was in Jared’s eye line.

He trailed after Jared, feeling useless and numb into the living room, the larger man dumping the bags on to the floor. In the sudden silence both of them just standing there, Jensen with his arms wrapped around himself.

It was a smart house. Modern but comfortable and seemingly isolated. “It’s a nice place,” Jensen gambled, wishing Jared would just look at him. He needed Jared to ground him, to help stop him from fracturing into the millions of pieces his sanity was threatening.

Jared hadn’t spoken to him, not once since he’d snatched the phone from Jensen in the cab and listened to the first dozen or so messages. Jensen had watched Jared’s eyes turn cold as they had swung over to him, had seen his body tense and knew that whatever Jared was listening to was his fault.

He’d been too scared to ask what was wrong until Jared had violently thrown the cell back at him – narrowly missing his head. It had been with trembling fingers he’d picked up his cell as he watched Jared and listened to the next message.

His mother.

_He … oh goddamn Chris. How could he have done this to him?_

None of this felt real. None of it. And Jared was acting as if …

Oh god. 

Jared hadn’t even _seen_ anything yet. Only heard the briefest of censored news, sex tapes; a barely legal Jensen being fucked again and again; downloaded videos online going viral fast; accessible for anyone with a working computer and internet. Some enterprising bastards selling DVDs and how the lawyers had gone into overdrive in their absence and been granted injunctions and all of it no goddamn good because it was too late and it was everywhere and would be there forever, available for strangers and friends and _(oh god)_ family to see it. By now, Jensen was the punch line of every chat show host and comedian in the US.

And, of course, Christian Kane. Chris fucking Jensen over and over.

It had all happened so quickly, the information bursting forth on them after a week hidden away. Since fleeing the mess at home Jared hadn’t had time to think: only to react, and for the first time the full force of what was happening hit him. 

Jared’s eyes when they swung to Jensen were dangerous.

“Did you know?”

Jensen flinched at the fury reflected on Jared’s face. He backed away, ice water running through his veins and his heart pounding with the realisation that the last person he should to be alone with right now was Jared. 

The larger man sneered at his retreat and spoke again slowly, carefully enunciating each word, the heat of his restrained anger snapping from each bitten out word. “I said, you, stupid, fucking, whore - did you know?”

In the face of Jensen’s silence he paced after him. With each nearing step Jensen couldn’t help but cringe.

“Jay. Please,” Jensen begged finally, surprised at the tears rolling down his cheeks. “This isn’t my fault.”

Jared’s laugh was callous as he stalked closer. “No. You’re just a mindless slut who spreads his legs on camera to be fucked. How could I expect you to be responsible for your actions, right? You can’t blame a pretty boy whore, not when he’s as fucking dumb as you. All you can think of--”

Jared moved so fast Jensen swore he was missing time. One moment Jared was half way across the room, the next he was in his face, shoving him against the wall, his hands working on the fly of his jeans as Jensen’s brain caught up and he tried vainly to fight him off. But he was powerless; his zipper was yanked down, swiftly followed by his jeans and his boxers and then Jared spun him around, trapping him against the wall and his body and brutally jamming two fingers into him. The pain was shocking and excruciating and Jensen sobbed soundlessly. His knees buckled and he would have fallen to the floor if he hadn’t been pinned by his lover’s fingers and his body propping him up against the wall.

“--Is this.” 

Jared jammed his fingers harder inside him and Jensen bit his lip on the scream threatening to let loose.

“Right, whore? Of getting your ass fucked open and you don’t even care who does it do you? Well, what should I expect from a fucking whore. Want to know how many men are jerking off to you being fucked, Jen? Want to know how much cum you’re missing out on? Bet you wish you could see, maybe be there with them don’t you Jenny, see how much they enjoyed it so you could suck them off and swallow it down. Be the perfect fuck toy with a perfect ass and mouth and nothing in your head to pass for intelligent thought. You know what you are Jenny? You’re the perfect cum bucket, aren’t you babe. Something pretty and mindless and so fucking dumb.” 

Jared punctuated each charge with a jab of his fingers, pressing in harder and rougher on each thrust in, enjoying the tight resistance of clinging flesh as much as the keening screams in response. He did it again and again, angrier and more brutally each time as Jensen turned his head and tried to search out his face, only for Jared to stare coldly into the green eyes pleading with him, until Jensen’s eyes closed and he slumped against him in surrender, his entire body juddering with pain.

Jared finally withdrew his fingers and forced Jensen to turn to face him so he could trace those same digits over Jensen’s plush lips, pushing them in so that Jensen was forced to suck. The suction on his fingers went immediately to his cock and he felt himself harden. He pressed himself against Jensen so he could feel _all_ of him, grinding his erection into him. The shorter man looked up at him, tears sliding beautifully down his face, and Jared was reminded as always of how Jensen’s pain only highlighted his allure. He really was too pretty.

The utter defeat in Jen’s eyes reminded him of when he’d fallen in love with him. Jared had known from the moment they’d met that he’d wanted Jensen, that he’d pursue him until he had him in his bed and he did, but the day he realised it wasn’t just lust he was more surprised than anyone. They’d been filming the infamous season one finale scene between John and Dean and Jared had been riveted by how Jen’s palpable misery had only accentuated his looks. He’d been instantly overwhelmed by Jen’s exquisiteness and that had been it for him; he was ensnared.

Breathless, his cock straining in his jeans, Jared slid his fingers out of that welcoming wet heat of Jensen’s mouth, and tried to step back and release Jensen but he couldn’t let go. He had no defences against him. None. Each time he tried to let go he discovered he was lying to himself and he held on tighter. He would never be able to walk away from this man. He was trapped.

He smeared his tacky fingers over Jensen’s face. Jen flinched but took it. They were standing so close they shared each other’s breath. His hands slid to either side of Jensen’s face and forced him to look up at him. To study him closely to try to understand what was wrong with him. 

Jensen bit his lip. “Jay,” he begged but that was as far as he got before he wised the hell up and shut down.

He was unbearably gorgeous. Just perfect, even in the face of all this mess and it was so wrong. Jared wanted to destroy him, to make him feel some of the hurt he felt. To pummel him with his fists until he was a bloody mess and he could finally understand what Jared was going through. Jen’s rank stupidity had turned him and Jared and their relationship into a joke. The effect on both of their careers could be … Jared would be lucky if he got any work after this. His lover’s was over as far as he was concerned.

He gripped Jensen’s hair tightly in his fists, wanting to press tighter and tighter until he could obliterate the cause of his pain forever; instead, and with great restraint, he smacked the back of Jen’s head hard against the wall. Slowly and deliberately. Once, twice, half a dozen times. His anger barely controlled and ready to slip loose into real violence.

When he let go, Jensen’s legs buckled and he fell to the floor, jeans and underwear pooled around his ankles, as he curled protectively against the wall and shook silently. Blindly, he reached out to try and raise his jeans to cover himself.

Jared stared at his lover and his attempt at reticence and honestly hated him. He was pathetic and weak and Jared realised he had to leave before he did him real violence, before actual anger erupted in him. He picked up his bags and looked at him disgustedly over his shoulder. “Clean yourself up.” 

Jared escaped into the bedroom, securing the door behind him so that he could release his rage safely onto the décor instead of his lover.

==

Jensen shivered as he willed himself to move. He needed to do so soon – his stomach was rebelling violently and it wouldn’t be long before he spilled his guts on the floor. Desperately, he covered his mouth with his hand to stave off the sickness.

The last time Jensen had felt so dirty he’d been a teenager, and he’d been alone and terrified that time too. Alone that was until Chris. Without Chris he’d have done something desperate from which there was no going back, and, despite everything he ached for that comfort now. He needed someone with non-judgemental eyes to look at him with that same love and acceptance and reassurance. Chris had been the first person in his life to provide it when he really needed it. As a child he’d seen the muted disgust in his parents eyes - and worse from the few others who knew some of what he’d done; he’d always felt judged and found wanting.

But that was then and this was now. He finally managed to tug his clothing back on, but the thought of moving again was unbearable. His … he was hurt down there and a bolts of pain shot through his head each time he so much as blinked. He needed help. Jensen’s eyes reluctantly trailed to Jared’s closed door. By the sounds of it he was tearing the room apart. With each muffled thump and angry yell Jensen flinched and silently prayed for Jay to stay in there. 

Dear God, he wanted Chris. Chris knew everything and yet had never judged him, never turned his back on him. He could imagine that whiskey-honeyed tone dipping low in his ear and solid arms wrapping around him to offer comfort.

_Chris._

Jesus, how fucking dumb was he? 

Chris had betrayed him and was the very reason he was huddled pathetically on the floor. He was as stupid as Jared suspected if he was yearning for Chris’s comfort. This was his fault and Jensen wanted to hate Chris. _He_ had done this to him.

Sex tapes; not just one but several and all from recordings found on Chris’s stolen laptop and now in the public domain. 

Yeah, Jensen had been aware of Chris recording their lovemaking a couple of times, hell, he had even given permission. But the sheer volume of material stolen and released hinted by Jared’s agent made him appreciate Chris had lied about that. After their relationship ended, the older man had promised Jensen he would destroy the few tapes he did possess.

Another lie.

Right, maybe he destroyed them, but only after he uploaded them on to his laptop. _Had … hell … had Chris been watching them?_ He shuddered and pushed the thought aside. Chris was a friend now. He didn’t want to think that Chris was pretending to be a good guy and then betraying him by jerking off to images of him being fucked. The thought didn’t help his nausea and he tasted bile in his mouth.

And it justified Jared’s qualms about Chris.

Jensen bit down on his lower lip hard. Jared had been _right_ to be suspicious over Chris. He couldn’t think now but he’d have to make this better for Jared somehow. He deserved that much at least.

For now, despite all their best efforts they were, both him and Jared, fodder for the gutter press. It had been bad enough with the media interest when they’d come out as a couple, but the coverage then had been grudgingly respectful. No one paper or network had wanted to be accused of being homophobic.

This was different, tawdry from the start, and the media coverage this time round would be ugly. No holds barred and they would dig for more now, sniffing blood in the air and searching for more until every piece of trash from their lives was uncovered and they might even find out about –

No. they wouldn’t find _that_. He couldn’t even allow the thought that they might. 

Numb, Jensen struggled to his feet and limping, dragged his bag to the second smaller bedroom. 

==

Jensen stood under the stream of hot water for a long time, letting the dirt slough of his skin but not feeling any cleaner. He couldn’t think clearly and it was impossible to concentrate: he hurt too much. He couldn’t even get that taste out of his mouth, despite brushing several times, and his stomach rumbled in complaint, sickened by the flavour of both him and Jared. And … everything felt off, like it wasn’t real. 

He stumbled out of the shower, drying himself cursorily and ready to flop into bed and surrender to sleep. He threw the towel on the bed and was about to dress when he realised Jared was watching from the open doorway. 

Jensen’s heart thumped painfully in his chest, and he unthinkingly picked up a towel and tried to cover himself.

Jared stood by the door, grinning maliciously. “A little late for modesty, Jenny, don’t ya think?”

If Jared was expecting an answer he was going to be sadly disappointed. Instead Jensen just tugged the towel tighter around him. Since the … since Jared had last left him he’d been unable to stop shivering.

“Now be a good bitch, Jenny, and drop the towel. Don’t make me wait.” He took a step into the bedroom, and Jensen unconsciously took a step back. It hit him how often he retreated these days from his lover. “You know, I thought even a stupid whore like you could muster up some sense.”

“W-wu… we should talk Jared.” Jensen didn’t even want to do that; he wanted to melt into his bed and sleep until this whole mess had gone away.

Jared ignored him. “Don’t make me do it for you.” There was fury in his eyes and Jensen took the threat seriously and let the towel fall. He stood naked in the room, the bed one step away behind him, and with Jared blocking the door no obvious escape route available.

Jared took his fill, dragging his gaze up and down his body, making Jensen feel filthy. When Jared finally spoke his voice was almost tender. “You’re beautiful, Jensen. I’ve seen you naked hundreds of times and yet you still steal my breath away. So beautiful anyone would believe you were special but the truth is that it’s only surface deep. All anyone needs to do is take a closer look and they’d see the truth; you’re a pretty empty shell and there’s nothing of interest inside.”

“J-Jay,” he stuttered and stopped, embarrassed by his own voice.

“And even the dumbest bitch would have apologised by now for dragging me down to your level. But you, you’re too selfish and you just don’t have the smarts.”

“Wha-?” And Jensen realised he was right. This was his fault and not since any of this nightmare had begun had Jensen once uttered any words close to an apology, and he had effectively destroyed Jared’s life. A shamed part of him hid from the thought that he might have spoken earlier if he hadn’t been so terrified of focusing Jared’s attention on him.

“Jesus, Jay. I _am_ sorry. I’m so sorry,” he’d never spoken words more heart felt. If there was anything he could do to prevent this hurt to Jared he would.

Jared just looked at him and Jensen wondered again what was going through his lover’s head. At one point he’d been able to read the other man so clearly; now everything was clouded and hidden. When the hell had Jared become an enigma to him? 

Jared’s focus on him did not falter once but after a long moment he held out his hand towards him.

Jensen wanted to take the proffered hand, he really wanted to, but underneath the calm cool exterior Jared was presenting, he knew the larger man was furious. He couldn’t help thinking that if he took that hand held out so innocently to him then he would be doomed. It was a trap and he was the prey.

He should leave. He should dress and get the hell out of there. But Jared’s face was losing its cool impassivity and turning sterner and part of Jensen was questioning what the hell he was doing, baiting him by refusing to take his hand?

_Saving yourself_ , a voice inside his head whispered.

“I should leave,” Jensen said impulsively, the words surprising even him.

If the expression on Jared’s face before had been perturbing, the regard now terrified him.

“I don’t want to,” Jensen hastened to add. “But it’s for the best and maybe this will help you. It’s my fuck up Jared and you don’t deserve this crap in your life. I’ve … I’ve been stupid and I’ve ruined everything for you. I can go-” 

“To Kane?” Jared interrupted, cocking his head and stepping closer. “Is that what you’re thinking, Jenny? Of getting over there so he fuck you all better?”

The charge was so shocking Jensen was dumbstruck. Jared took his silence for guilt.

“Pissed I caught you out?” The sneer was back in full force, and in one sudden move Jared snatched Jensen’s hand and held it tightly.

“No,” Jensen shook his head but part of him wondered what his plans would have entailed. Leave and go where? There was no way his family would offer a safe haven, and the only practical solution was to speak to his agent to plan his next move. Under normal conditions Chris would have been on a very short list of trusted friends who could offer refuge: but these were far from normal conditions and Chris was the last man on the planet Jensen could be seen with now.

“Don’t. I know when you are lying to me, Jenny; I know when you lie because you open your fucking mouth.” The grip on his hand tightened and Jensen gasped. He tried to pull back again but there was no way he was going to escape the clasp from that massive hand.

“I’m not. I swear I’m not Jay. I don’t feel so good; please, I need … Please, you’re hurting me, please let go.”

“Really? I thought I was the one hurt here.”

Jensen wanted to be strong, he really did, but he could feel tears rolling down his cheeks. Jared pulled on his wrist to draw him closer until he bumped into Jared’s chest. With his free hand he gripped Jensen’s face and tilted it up, brushing his lips over his features gently and then lapping at his tears.

Jensen closed his eyes and shivered uncontrollably. “I’m cold. I … I … please Jay, please let me get dressed.” 

He flashed back to his earlier violation and he wanted to be sick. Jared had done that to him. His gentle gorgeous lover had ... his mind skittered away from that train of thought.

“You have no idea what you do to me, Jenny.” He pulled Jensen’s trapped hand to his crotch and made Jensen cup his hard-on. Jensen whimpered --

_(sobbed)_

\-- and let his lover manipulate his hand over his clothed erection. He blinked back his tears. He could do this. He had done this before with other men. He never thought he’d be in this position with Jared though.

Jared’s hand closed over his as he controlled the stroking on his cock.

“I’m so hard. Been so hard for the last hour, thinking of you, wanting you. Want to fuck you Jenny, can I? Want you to suck me first, can you do that for me baby?”

Jensen wanted to cry. He wanted to get into bed and cover himself in blankets and hide … But maybe, if he did this, it would help Jared. And maybe Jay needed some relief and he’d be calmer.

“Ye--, yes. Yes Jay.” Before he even had uttered one word Jared was already dragging him from the room to the larger bedroom, forcing him to stumble after. 

“Want to show you something first, I want you to see it while you suck me and get me wet so I can fuck you.”

Jared’s bedroom was a mess. Furniture was pushed on to the floor, Jared’s clothes scattered all over the room.

And in the middle of the bed --

_No!_


	6. Chapter 6

\-- Jensen panicked and tried to dig his heels in, begging Jared to stop but was forcibly pushed to his knees at the foot of the bed. Jared moaned as he grazed his clothed erection over Jensen’s face. “Pull me out,” he gasped. Even with Jared’s cock tenting in his face, Jensen’s attention swung back to the object on the bed. 

“Jay, please don’t. I’m sorry, I’m sorry I am please don’t make me do this. Please Jared I love you please don’t.”

It was as if he hadn’t even opened his mouth for all the notice Jared paid him. He only pulled Jensen’s face closer to his crotch and rutted against him. Jensen could smell him, the unique musk that he always associated with Jay and that normally got him so hard. 

“Do it, Jenny.” It was an order, clear and simple.

Jensen winced; he hated that nickname when it was used to belittle, used in the wrong way it was an insult. He bit down on his lip and with trembling hands unzipped Jared and dragged down his jeans. From his angle the bulge in Jared’s underwear was obscene and there was a wet spot spreading where his cock was leaking copious amounts of pre-cum.

Jared reached over, fiddled with the object on the bed --

_No!_

\-- and Jensen died a little inside, humiliated already.

“Suck it bitch. And we’ll see--” Jared pressed a key on the laptop and Jensen could hear voices, tinny but clear, suddenly play. “-- if your technique has changed any.” 

He spun the laptop around so that the screen was visible to them both.

On the screen a beautiful teenage boy smirked as he tugged down his boyfriends briefs and rubbed his face over his cock. He looked like a slut, Jensen thought, and then revised his thoughts: _That’s me. I look like a slut._

On-screen Jensen moaned wantonly and softly kissed Chris’s erection. “Gorgeous cock, love it so much Chris. Love you baby … love tasting you.”

Chris groaned, his cockhead slipping past slick lips.

Jared tugged down his briefs and rubbed his cock over Jensen’s lips, hissing in pleasure at the friction and enjoying the sight of his precum glistening on his lover’s reddened mouth. When Jensen refused to open up, still caught up at his mirror image on screen, he hooked fingers into the corners of that generous mouth and easily slipped his cock in, sliding deeper until he was three inches deep and then he withdrew slightly, only to slide in deeper seconds later.

Jensen gagged but worked his mouth around him, accommodating him as he grew harder. Jared groaned appreciatively at the wet heat enveloping part of his cock and let his fingers fall free from Jen’s mouth.

“Like that Jenny? You do, don’t you. Look so good with your pretty mouth stretched around cock. Such a perfect cock-sucking mouth. Born to it baby, born to suck cock.” Jensen looked sinful and perfect with his mouth stretched around his girth, his lips slick and glistening with spit. On-screen Jensen was being filmed as Chris held the camera – the picture increasingly shaky with each passing moment. Jared sympathised with Kane. Jenny was suited to suck cock on his knees, and he was so overwhelmingly beautiful anyone would struggle to hold steady. There was a sudden shaky zoom in: the angle focusing on those perfect lips shiny with spit and pre-cum taking in Chris’s cock deeper as off camera Chris moaned. Jared couldn’t help himself; he thrust deeper.

“I’m bigger than him, right Jenny? Both in length and girth.” Jared slowly pulled out his saliva slick cock and rubbed it over Jen’s face. “Well?” Jensen looked at him dully and Jared laughed. “It’s a good thing you’re so pretty Jen; it almost makes up for how fucking dumb you can be."

Jensen cast his gaze downwards from him but he couldn’t have that. “Look at me,” Jared barked, and large, tearful green eyes snapped up at him.

"Well?”

Nothing. Jensen was blank, not sure what was wanted. He moved forward to take Jay back into his mouth but his lover moved out of reach.

Rolling his eyes, Jared repeated himself, sliding the tip of his cock back into that warm hole. “Who, you dumb bitch, is bigger? Me or the asshole there.”

Jensen’s eyes widened and his eyes involuntarily swung to the screen. Pissed at his inattentiveness Jared slid in deeper, choking Jen. As his eyes watered, Jay pulled out roughly until only his cockhead rested against that warm mouth and waited for the answer, wanting to time this just right.

“Don’t make me hurt you baby. Just answer the fucking question.” He thrust shallowly into his mouth and drew back, and Jared could feel the moment Jensen was ready to answer.

“You--” Jen started and Jared, unable to wait to hear more, gripped his head and thrust down violently until he was buried balls deep in Jen’s mouth and throat, his pubic hair in Jenny’s face. He grunted as he ground his cock, using his grip buried in Jensen’s hair for leverage to get the maximum friction. His lover was spluttering and gagging around his length, desperately trying to get used to the sudden violation and lack of oxygen. Jared pulled back when he could, immediately needing to thrust deeply into that hole again and he did, wanting to fuck it hard and immediately started a punishing rhythm, ramming Jensen’s face violently. He was aware this was hurting Jen, that his lover would have problems talking after but he needed this, need to claim back what was his.

On-screen Jensen was whining as Chris pulled back his cock, teasing his lovers’ lips with it. Pre-cum was smeared over Jensen’s lips as he desperately reached forward and tried to get him into his mouth. The utter need in Jenny’s eyes for Kane incensed Jared.

“Cock slut. Such a fucking perfect cock slut aren’t you babe?” Jared taunted as he thrust harder and harder, his balls slapping against Jen’s face again and again. He pulled back slightly, resting his cockhead on Jensen’s tongue and spat a long string of saliva onto his shaft and into Jensen’s open mouth. Disgust flickered in Jenny’s eyes and Jared slammed back in, replacing the look with instant hurt.

He turned to the screen.

Jensen, on his knees, releases Chris’s cock with a wet pop, Chris, panting, draws back slightly. A delicate strand of saliva linking his cock to Jensen’s reddened mouth, and he pulls back slightly, testing the fragile connection which survives and groans. _“Your fucking mouth, Jenny. God, love you baby. Want to fuck you always.”_

Jensen licks his lips, severing the thin line of spit between them. _“Always. Yours Chris, yours to fuck any way you want.”_

 _“Mine. Oh god Jenny, yeah. Suck my cock baby, suck it. Get it wet for me,”_ Kane sliding his cock over Jensen’s face, rubbing it over all over, lifting slightly so his balls are over Jensen’s mouth and then in turn his cock. _“Suck me, babe, get it wet. I’m going to fuck you again. Get you so wet and sloppy my cum will be leaking out of you all night.”_

Jensen moaned, rubbing his face on Chris’s cock, licking and kissing when he could until finally, he catches the head in his mouth and latches on as he watches Chris, sucking gently, clearly savouring the taste.

“Sounds good to me,” Jared pants. “On the floor babe, ass in the air. I’m going to ream your ass hard.” He pulled roughly out of Jensen’s mouth and watched as his lover collapsed on the floor, gasping, fat tears leaking copiously down his cheeks.

“And after, you lying bitch, you can tell me again all about how Chris was your first.”

=

After that Jensen zoned out. It was an old trick but there was no comfort in the familiarity. He saw it, felt it even, but he pulled back far enough that it happened to someone else, not him. It was like he disconnected. Jared’s touch resonated, everywhere he was touched and grabbed it ached, long after his attention had gone elsewhere.

Jared was brutal. It hurt. Jared manhandled him. Picking him up like he weighed nothing, only to push or throw him on to the floor, over the dresser or the bed. It didn’t matter.

Jensen let it happen because he couldn’t _stop_ …

He let it happen because he _owed_ Jared. He alone had brought this whole mess on their heads. He winced at every bite and bruise inflicted and he thought he might even have cried out loud at one point. He’s not sure because even though it was quick and overwhelming it was endless and it _hurt_ and it was Jared and him and it couldn’t be because Jared would _never_ …

He saw all of it happen. All of it and he couldn’t believe it was happening to him --

_(again)_

\-- and he couldn’t believe it was Jared because Jared didn’t … Jared wouldn’t …

Jensen closed his eyes.

=

When it’s over --

_(when Jared finally comes inside him, grunting harshly as he pulses load after load until he had to be empty)_

\-- Jensen plans his escape: he’ll crawl if he has to but he needs to get off the bed and leave. It would hurt -- his body is one big bloodied bruise and any movement might tip him over into being sick -- but the reward would be a long hot shower and then maybe sleep - but Jared puts a halt to that plan by collapsing on top of him, and burying his damp head in the juncture between his neck and shoulder.

They were pressed chest to sweaty chest and Jensen felt suffocated by the heaving larger body on top of him. Jared’s let his chest hair grow out the way he always does when he’s on hiatus and normally Jensen loves the coarse density of it but all he can feel now is the sweat entangling each hair and now dripping onto him. It’s disgusting and smell is rank and for a moment his stomach roils in rebellion. Worse, Jared was still inside him, softening now, but he can’t move, can’t get Jared out of him and he almost starts to panic thinking Jay has fucked himself into a coma and he’ll have to stay like this all night and he doesn’t know if he can even _breathe_ let alone hold it together when he realises that Jared is shaking, trembling on top of him. He’s awake.

“Jay?” he whispers, his voice wrecked and hurting. All of him hurts.

He flinches when Jared lets out a harsh cry, before it hits him what this is: Jared is sobbing. Full body tremors that wrack him from head to foot.

Jared is _crying._

It doesn’t make sense.

But despite his confusion, Jensen withdraws his arms from his lovers’ suddenly weak hold over his head to tentatively wrap them around Jared’s shoulders. Jared only sobs harder, so Jensen holds him closer, letting his lover soak tears into his neck. His fingers trail gently through Jared’s hair to offer comfort.

“It’s okay Jay. It’s okay. I’m sorry I hurt you, I’m so sorry. It’s okay I promise,” Jensen soothes. It takes a while, long enough for his arms to cramp, but Jared’s sobs cease and he lies there not moving as Jen continues to whisper and hold him. For a while he thinks this is it; Jared has fucked the anger out and he’ll be the sweet and gentle man that Jensen loves. But then Jared moves slightly, and pain rockets through Jensen and he stutters on a breath before Jared stills.

Jared’s face is only inches away from his own. They both stare into each other’s eyes, practically breathing the same air and Jared shifts again – slightly – just testing, and Jensen’s entire world is pain. It shows on his face; it has to. Jared’s eyes are unfathomable and Jensen can’t read him, can’t understand, and just wants the agony to stop. Unbelievably, Jared’s cock in him hardens and Jensen can’t hold back on the cry of pain that causes. He shakes his head, desperately, pleading silently and hoping his lover will take note.

For a moment, for the briefest second, Jensen thinks Jared is going to relent. That he’s going to ease himself out of him gently. But then Jared’s lips turn up into a wolfish grin that is cold and cruel.

“Hurts,” Jensen begs. “Please, please don’t. It hurts too much Jay. Pleasepleaseplease don’t--” But Jared scoops his arms under Jensen’s legs and pushes them up and over his own broad shoulders until Jensen is practically bent in half and then he grinds down _hard_.

There’s a tsunami of pain that hits hard, and Jensen blacks out gratefully.

=

When he wakes, Jared is still inside him, fucking him, grunting roughly, his skin and hair sweat soaked. The pain is crushing, robbing him of breath. He begs for darkness to consume him again but Jared keeps him on the edge, fucking him just so that it is agony but he doesn’t black out. He’s still fucking him – maybe 30 or 50 or maybe as little as ten minutes later, until he’s nearing orgasm; Jared’s face is flushed and his eyes are glazed with that familiar pleasure haze but tempered with wild anger and he is thrusting harder now, jackhammering into him, the bed shifting under their rough thrusting, and he rams harder and harder and Jensen can’t do anything but take it as his body is overwhelmed with agony. 

This time, when Jared comes he spits savagely in Jensen’s face. It’s deliberate and horrible and Jensen feels it slide down his cheek and into his mouth. He almost gags but Jared roughly covers his mouth and nose with one hand and forces him to swallow.

Jared pulls out of Jensen roughly and his hand pushes at his face. Jensen cries out in relief and tries to roll over and away but the pain is so immense that he has no trouble blacking out again.

=

He opens his eyes to find Jared is staring at him benignly. They’re facing each other on their sides. It’s dark and there’s silence; the only noise his own laboured breathing and Jay’s now normal breaths. Jensen’s confused. Doesn’t understand why he’s in so much pain. But when Jared reaches over to touch his face he flinches and it all comes screaming back.

Jared looks torn between anger and sorrow.

“Baby,” he whispers. “Don’t. I didn’t mean to … you get me so angry when you’re stupid.”

There’s silence and it’s uncomfortable and Jensen realises he should say something. He can’t take Jared staring at him like this. The sheets are pulled up to his chest but he feels naked and exposed under that gaze.

“I’m sorry,” he rasps. _Oh God_. There’s something slippery between his thighs. He thinks he’s bleeding down there. It’s not just the larger man’s cum leaking out of him; it hurts too much for that.

Jared’s answering smile is blinding; dimpled and genuine and Jensen is thrown back to that moment he’d fallen in love with him. It’s the same smile but all he feels this time is blinding terror.

Jared opens his arms, beckoning him closer. Jensen moves and even though he expects it to hurt it still stuns him and he whimpers. He bites down hard on his lip. Jared takes pity and moves the last few inches, taking him in his arms and dragging him close in a full body hug. Jensen closes his eyes, not able to stop tears leaking down his cheeks and on to Jared. This close, he can smell Jay everywhere and he whimpers. He doesn’t like this; it doesn’t feel right. His head is pounding and everywhere he’s touched is screaming with pain.

Jared quiets him. “I don’t know if I can forgive you Jenny. I don’t. But I love you. And I’m willing to try. I just need time okay. You can give me time Jenny can’t you?” Jared asks again as Jensen tried to control his emotions. Jared takes his face firmly in his hands and makes him look up at him. “Open your eyes Jenny. Jenny – open them now.” The tone is stern and Jensen obeys. “There’s a good boy. I know it hurts but you pushed me Jen. You don’t do that to someone you love. Why would you do that to me?”

“I … I’m sorry,” Jensen tells him.

“I know you are. And I’m going to try to forgive you babe, but you’ve fucked up our lives – and our careers - royally and I don’t know how long it will take for me to get over what you’ve done. I don’t know if I can. And after all the lies I don’t know if I can ever trust you again.”

“I didn’t lie. I didn’t know about the recordings Jay--”

“Bullshit,” the grip tightened on him and Jensen shut down. “Jen don’t piss me off even more. I _knew_ that fucker wanted to fuck you. I _begged_ you to stop meeting up with him but you enjoyed panting like a bitch in heat over him. And you told me it was nothing; that he was ‘just a friend’. That was a lie. What kind of friend has his own personal library of sex tapes of you? How the fuck can I ever trust you again? And it’s not just that. You’ve lied to me from day one – yeah, you fucking did: what about all your crap about Chris being the first guy to fuck you?”

Jensen stiffened in Jared’s arms. The protest dying on his lips.

“No virgin sucks cock like that. You were deep throating him like a pro. All which makes you a lying whore, babe. I know that. I’ve always known it … but I have the proof now.”

=

“I hoped you’d man up and tell the truth, Jenny. I’ve been waiting a long time and I’m running low on patience. _Tell me_. I’m not tolerating this anymore,” Jared shook his head earnestly. “I’m sick of your bullshit ruining everything because you don’t have the goddamn sense you were born with to trust me. I’m here and I can protect you - if you talk. Hasn’t all _this_ proved how destructive your secrets are?”

Jensen shuddered. “I didn’t--” Jared reacted instantly, his anger palpable as he dug his fingers in tighter.

“Don’t lie, bitch. Kane was _not_ your first. That much is obvious from what I’ve seen just today. You think anyone who’s watched that would believe your crap?”

Jensen tried to pull back away but the fingers gripped relentlessly tighter, digging into his face. Jared manoeuvred them so that he lay on top of Jensen pinning him to the bed with his greater length and weight and their faces only inches apart. He tilted Jenny’s face and forced eye contact with him.

“I can’t take your fucking lies anymore. I won’t. It’s breaking my heart and I know you’re a whore – I’ve seen the evidence, just like everyone on the fucking planet has, so do _not_ insult me by lying to my face. How many men had you been with before?”

“D … don’t. Puh … please don’t. I can’t please, I just can’t …” Jensen bit down on his lip, ashamed of his stuttering.

“I don’t need details. Not right now. Just tell me how many and who?”

Jared ground down on him and Jensen winced under the heavy mass. “Please I … itHURTSplease don’t--”. He’s on the verge of hysteria and so he couldn’t blame Jared for drawing his hand back to slap his face. It burned and Jensen shut down, his face stinging.

“Are you back with me, babe?”

A slow nod. 

“Good. I’ll make this easy. I’ll ask simple questions and you can tell me yes or no. For now, anyway. Now tell me; was Kane the first man to fuck you like you told me all those years ago.”

Every word tore into Jensen and brought back memories he’d spent his life ruthlessly blocking. It was too easy to remember being small and powerless and forced into rough wet kisses --

_(the cloying stink and tang of it)_

\-- harsh hands touching him, pulling and pushing and hurting and _arranging_ him and ignoring his pleas and him begging and crying for help that never came and being told it was _his_ fault over -- 

_(stupid cheap whore)_

_(too pretty)_

\-- and over again. And as much as he wanted Chris to have been the first man to have ever touched him it was all a lie. Wasn’t that the truth that Jared wanted, and that he deserved?

Did he wish Chris was his first?

_Yes._

But had he been? Far from it. Jared was right; he was a seasoned whore by the time Chris first set eyes on him.

“… No.”

Jared’s lips spread into a smile that was far from happy. When he spoke, his tone was deceptively calm. “Right, that’s progress right there Jenny. Now, tell me how many? How many men did you let fuck your mouth and cunt?” Jared’s ire rises and he sneers on the last word; the thought of others trespassing on what is his makes him crazy, and he wills himself to calm down, to not ram his fingers in Jensen’s abused hole. But Jensen is shaking his head again, big fat tears trailing down his cheeks and is working himself up into hysteria.

Jared doesn’t feel like he has a choice; he slaps him again. Hard enough, so that Jen’s head snaps to the side. The shocked injured look on Jen’s face throws him momentarily; all hurt betrayal but it quickly clears.

When Jensen speaks, Jared finds he has to duck his head closer; the words are whispered and Jen sounds so defeated.

“I … I didn’t want it Jared. I didn’t. I tried to stop him … but … it hurt and … please don’t make me tell you this please Jay don’t--” 

_(spread your legs whore)_

_(don’t tell)_

_(scream for me)_

_(hate you)_

_(don’t make a sound)_

_“--ithurtstoomuch_ and I didn’t want it. Please … it wasn’t my fault. It wasn’t Jay it _wasn’t.”_

It’s too much; Jensen shuts down and Jared seems to take pity, cradling him in his arms and soothing him. Jen trembled hard in Jared’s embrace and he’s not even sure what for; his childhood? Chris’ betrayal and lies? For … tonight?

But it’s his fault. All of it. Otherwise it wouldn’t keep happening to him.

For his part, Jared holds him, grateful to have finally used the chink in Jen’s armour to get a hint of the ‘facts’. He’ll get the full truth out of the lying bitch later but for now this is enough.

Later, he’s still wide awake as Jensen dozes in his arms and Jared nuzzles his hair, pressing gentle kisses into his temple, knowing that it’s a lie, that you can’t rape a whore. He can’t let it go easily so he gently kissed Jensen awake. He watched and saw the exact moment Jen awoke, blinking those fucking big eyes at him wearily as consciousness flooded back. 

“Jenny? Do you think your mama’s seen it too? Seen you on your knees sucking cock or taking it up the ass like the slut you are?”

He couldn’t stop the smile at Jenny’s teary reaction. That was sure to chase the sleep away from Jensen.

“There are dozens of recordings; I’ve only seen five or six but there’s so many of them Jenny, so many videos of you getting fucked and sucking cock. What’s your mother going to think? The sheer number alone.” He shook his head in disgust. “It’s not going to be news to her, is it Jen? She already knows what you are – she and all your family. That’s why you don’t get on with them, isn’t it? They know what you are and they can’t live with it, can’t live with _you_. You make it so hard to love you Jenny – even your own family can’t stomach what you are. You’ve always been so vague about why you don’t talk to them – but it’s because you know the real reason and you’re ashamed. And you have lied to me about it too, making it seem like your falling-out is their fault. Why, Jenny? You gotta stop. You gotta learn to face facts and quit blaming everyone around you. You’re nothing but cheap dirty whore, and the only person responsible for that is you.”

He prised Jen’s head back gently so they could keep eye contact. He smiled and kissed his forehead gently. His gentle actions so at odds with his words that Jensen flinched. He felt helpless under him: trapped and exposed. “Those men who touched you when you were a k … before Kane – was it really their fault?”

Jensen stared at him, wide eyed. His mouth fell open and he was gasping, a horrible dreadful cry as the words registered in his mind. Jared pressed a finger against his lips, silencing any protest.

“No, listen to me. You say it wasn’t your fault but Jen have you thought about it? Maybe it _is_. Maybe you did … _something_ that made them do it.” Jared could see Jensen wilt under the onslaught of his words.

“C’mon Jenny, what about even now when we’re together and those men, those strangers, touch you? I’ve seen it. That _doesn’t_ happen to other people. It’s you. It’s just _you_. You cause it. And what about Kane? The tapes are his fault but not yours? What kind of twisted logic is that? You don’t look like a fucking victim on those tapes: not when you’re writhing on his cock like a slut. And _this_ -” he waved his hand between them. “You gonna blame me for this now? Really? You gonna lay the blame again on someone else so you don’t have to accept the truth? And it all started with those men you seduced before Kane fucked you --”

Jensen’s sob was harsh and broken.

It jarred against the gentle almost loving whispers from Jared, which sounded so sweet unless you listened to the words. It was too much for Jensen, too much he’d always worried about and hearing this from the man he loved validating all those fears broke him. He spoke fast, words spilled forth in a rush; desperate and panicked.

“-- Please, _please_ stop. I’m begging you … please Jared, don’t say this. Please Jay please don’t.” Tears were pouring down his cheeks and the sight stunned Jared. His lover, emotional as he could be, never really sobbed, now looked like he was on the verge of breaking down completely. Jared was finally chipping away at Jenny’s pride and stupidity.

“I can’t. You … this is all your fault. It’s all you Jensen and it’s not going to change just because you can’t face what you are. Your mama knows. You dad and your brother and your sister too. They don’t like you, do they Jenny? Why is that? What is it about you? And what about Mack? You don’t see her either do you Jenny? Why do you think your family hate you? Why don’t they trust you to keep your legs closed? And not just your family, it’s everyone else too; everyone knows you’re a whore. You’re a cheap, stupid slut and you can’t keep your legs together can you babe.”

With Jensen weeping and quaking in his arms, Jared finally relaxed; his arms and legs snaking around his lover as he let the comfort of sleep take him. The last sound he heard before he slipped into sleep was Jen’s cell, beeping just once as his lover gave into broken sobs.

=

The call, like the dozens of others before it, went to answer machine.

=


	7. Chapter 7

Patience was never a virtue Chris would lay claim to.

And right now he was pissed off, more than a little inebriated and expressing his frustration. He hurled his phone at the door, only narrowly missing Steve who ducked just in time. Steve looked at him accusingly and waved the beers he’d picked up from the kitchen. “You, my friend, don’t get one. Just try and figure why that might be.”

“He’s not picking up. I don’t know where the fuck they are hiding out and the little fucker won’t even let me explain.”

Steve rolled his eyes.

“What? It’s not my fault some asshole stole my laptop.”

Steve said nothing, just kept on steadily looking at him.

“Fuck you, Steve! Okay I shouldn’t have had the recordings in the first place,” Chris conceded easily.

“We’ve had this conversation. Several times. I need another drink if we’re having it again. Or how about we skip to the end and you tell me what a scumbag you are?” Steve eyed his beer thirstily, popping the cap and taking a big gulp. Pure ice-cold bliss flooded his mouth and he may have moaned in pleasure. When he opened his eyes he found Chris with his now normal hangdog expression looking back. 

“Oh have a goddamn beer and stop giving me your mopey look. It doesn’t make me feel all gooey inside; it just makes me want to kick your face in,” he grumbled.

Chris easily caught the thrown beer and gave himself some space when he opened it so he wasn’t immediately drenched. “Try shaking it some more next time why don’t you…”

Steve ignored the bitching. “He’ll talk to you. Jenny needs time to get his head round this. Not to mention--”

“--What about me? It’s not just him and I’m on the vids too--”

This time he gave Chris the full force of his glare, and the man’s protest died down and it was quickly replaced with the guilt-ridden expression that had become his familiar companion over the last few weeks.

Both men knew it wasn’t the same. Yeah, Kane was on the tapes too but he’d known about them; Jensen hadn’t. And Jenny, according to Chris, had only agreed to a couple of the recordings in the first place. This, just by that fact alone, made Kane an asshole of the first order. Secondly … Kane was somehow getting sly respect for this. Like, okay he was a fag (Steve had actually heard a guy say this) but it was like he’d done some crazy macho shit and gotten to fuck a very pretty piece of ass out of it. Repeatedly. Most of the time he’d been holding the camera so he wasn’t even always in focus. Jen on the other hand …

… Jen was cast as the slut. He was always on camera, and yeah, he was the one being fucked and somehow being the bottom made him a girl. Apparently, sexism was alive and kicking (good to know), even if no-one was technically a girl in this little scenario. It didn’t help that Jensen was too pretty for a guy so already he was coming off this bad. 

And also, and Chris hated this most of all, it was the whole fucking ice queen rep people assigned to Jen. He wasn’t haughty or a conceited but just freaking shy. Life had fucking taught him to be that way and Chris knew that. The problem was others did not. If they didn’t know Jen people thought him as standoffish and cold. Yup, he’d heard his share of jokes about how Kane had gotten to fuck the frigid out of the bitch. Seeing Jensen Ackles getting fucked and sluttishly begging for cock was a dream come true for many; it was even better than seeing him fall from his pedestal and having his face rubbed in the dirt.

“I’m pure scum.”

“Give him time,” Steve nodded, his tone bland, thinking they’d skipped to the end after all. 

Chris sort of resented the asshole hadn’t even tried to deny it but he knew Steve wasn’t the sort to hold back to just protect his feelings. And he was scum. What the hell had he been thinking? He’d hurt Jensen and he’d promised – both Jen and himself – that he’d never do that. The last thing that he wanted was to be another one of the assholes who saw the pretty and nothing else. Unfortunately, after this he tipped the scales on the asshole levels. He couldn’t help flinching at what must have gone through Jen’s mind when he found out. It killed him to know how much he had wounded Jensen in that moment of revelation and everything that had followed. 

After such a horrible betrayal, did Jensen just need some time?

Chris considered the advice, he really did. And truthfully he could count on the fingers of one hand how many times Steve had steered him with bad advice: once - and that was only because Chris had not given him the full facts. He should trust the man – he was one of the best friends he’d ever had and his advice was solid.

Except it had been over a week now and he was sick of waiting. And it wasn’t even about begging for forgiveness so he could feel better about himself – deep down Chris knew he didn’t deserve it and it was something he would never allow for himself. Yeah, people had done some pretty shitty things to Jensen in his life but at least those others hadn’t protested their love and fealty to him while doing it. 

Chris didn’t expect clemency; he didn’t want it when he was beyond redemption. What he needed was to make sure Jen was okay. He needed to know that if he was ever going to move on from this mess.

And Kane had an idea. He beckoned at his friend with his fingers.

“Gimmie your phone.”

Steve lifted an eyebrow sardonically.

“Mine’s broken,” Chris waved his hand at the shattered cell scattered on the floor innocently like it was breaking news and had nothing to do with his earlier actions. “And I know who can help.”

Steve shook his head dubiously but dug into his pocket and handed over his cell. “Who you gonna call?” He blinked and shook his head in embarrassment. 

“Well, not the Ghostbusters,” Chris muttered. “Moron.”

==


	8. Chapter 8

Jared awoke with a start, with only one thought screaming in his mind: something was _wrong._

His heart was galloping as he looked down. Jensen was squirming in his arms, mumbling unhappily in his sleep. He shifted the other man so he was more comfortably rested in his hold and the muttering died down, but Jen didn’t shift and his expression was miserable. His generous lips turned down into a frown.

“Jensen?”

Nothing. He was fast asleep and mired in whatever nightmares he was suffering.

And covered in bruises. Huge dark patterns bloomed over Jen’s pale skin. Jared gently slipped Jensen out of his hold and slid the sheets down over his naked form, and exhaled.

Jesus _fuck_.

Jen’s body was painted in contusions and bites.

He’d done that.

What the fuck had he done? What the …

It wasn’t his fault. It wasn’t. Jen had forced his hand. It was because of his whoring and he’d ruined them and his …

Fuck. He’d really hurt him. That was dried blood on the sheets. And between Jen’s thighs. And traces of Jen’s blood on his own chafed dick.

What the hell had he done? Jared buried his head in his hands when he couldn’t look any longer.

He’d make this up to Jensen. He’d make it better. He had to.

=

For Jensen, waking up was a horribly slow process. He was dreaming, horrible, confused dreams that left him gasping and crying and with an overwhelming sense of dread. Panicked, he sat up suddenly in the bed and immediately regretted it. Pain-oh-god _PAIN_ hit hard and he gingerly slid back down, his heart beating frantically.

He was alone, and he took what little comfort he could in that. The room was dark so he could afford to close his eyes for a short while, just a few minutes.

When he woke again, sunlight was streaming in through the windows and every inch of him ached and the room was spinning. A splitting headache fought with the pain in his ass for the winner of his biggest concerns. He closed his eyes and tried to will himself to feel better. He needed to get dressed and he needed to get the hell out before Jared came back. It wasn’t Jared’s fault but he couldn’t take another … another night like that.

He’d leave and …

And.

Go where?

There was nowhere to go. Nowhere. He didn’t have anyone else.

Jared was _it_. He had no-one else. And Jared loved him.

He bit his lip hard. He’d gotten what he deserved. Just like his Daddy had always said. It was with that bitter thought in his head that he closed his eyes and let himself drift into sleep again. When he opened his eyes again it was to the sight of Jared crouching solicitously by his head.

He recoiled. If Jared saw it, he chose to ignore the flinch.

“How are you feeling Jen?” His tone was affectionate and he reached out to trail his fingers gently through his hair. He gave Jen a comforting smile. 

_Like crap_ , he wanted to hiss but the words stuck in his too raw bruised throat and he groaned unhappily.

“Shush, babe, don’t try to speak. You need to rest up and get better.”

“Jay. Hurt,” he rasped. His voice so croaky he barely recognised it as his and it hurt to swallow.

“I know babe, I know. I’ve got some painkillers for you to take but I need you to eat first. Just a light breakfast,” he nodded to the food laden tray on the floor beside him. Not even the coffee could stop Jensen’s stomach from turning and he closed his eyes. 

“Hey, no more sleeping Jen. I’ve got a lot to do and I need your help or I’m never gonna get it done. After you’ve eaten we’re going to move to the other bedroom,” the smile this time was mischievous as he glanced around the room. “We got a little carried away last night. The bed is a mess and I want to clean you up, babe.”

=

Dutifully he choked down some of the orange juice; anything else felt like razor blades in his throat. He didn’t even want that but Jared’s attention never wavered as he patiently fed him.

The drugs – Jensen didn’t know what they were – he swallowed gratefully. It numbed the pain and it helped him when Jared slid down the sheets to expose him. He looked at Jensen like he was something special and beautiful and there were tears in his eyes. Jensen watched him, detached and removed and not understanding what was wrong with Jay. He watched as the larger man gently cleansed him with a damp cloth, taking his time and not rushing as if he was restoring a piece of art. As gentle as Jared was it hurt and Jensen bit his lip when Jared slid the cloth between his thighs. He didn’t want Jared touching him anywhere but especially not there.

Jared took his time cleaning him and Jensen held his breath, terrified and trying to watch closely, too scared to look away. But he was so tired again and his limbs felt heavy with exhaustion and Jared continued; gentle and almost clinical in his attentions.

“I thought about taking you into the shower but I don’t think you’re in any condition to face that.” Jared smiled up at him warmly, almost proudly.

When he was done he scooped Jensen up into his arms and carried him into the second bedroom, gently depositing him on top of the bed. For a moment Jensen flashed back to an earlier happier time, when he’d moved in with him and Jared had easily hoisted him into his arms and jokingly carried him over the threshold. Except he hadn’t really been kidding around, Jensen knew if it were possible – not just legally but acceptable in the eyes of everyone that mattered to them, then the taller man would have married him for real. There was no laughter this time but he could see the love clearly in Jared’s hazel eyes. Maybe that hadn’t changed and last night was an aberration, not the real man he loved. Jared stretched out next to him, perched on his side so he could watch him. It felt wrong to Jensen, being naked under Jared’s scrutiny while the other man was fully dressed and he itched to cover himself. 

“I love you Jen. I know this is a huge set back but I love you. Never doubt that babe.” His hand trailed down Jen’s chest, teasing his nipples in turn, pinching them into hard peaks. “So responsive, babe. You love being touched don’t you?” He didn’t wait for a response. He sucked noisily on one nipple as his hand trailed down to Jen’s soft cock and Jensen knew it didn’t matter what Jared did; there was no way he could get hard. 

“Jay?”

Jared roughly tugged at his nipple between his teeth before releasing it with one last wet suck, before kissing him gently on the lips. “Yes babe?”

Jensen could feel the spit cooling on his chest and shuddered. “I need more tablets. Please Jared. Please let me have more.” 

=

Over the next week he slept on and off while Jared pottered around tending to him or taking phone calls. At one point Jensen awoke from feverish disturbed dreams that made him cry out, to find Jared staring at him impassively from a seat near the bed.

Jensen swallowed nervously, willing Jared to speak or at least look away. That steady surveying look he was giving him was speeding up his uneasiness. There was no hint of emotion from the other man.

“Jay?” his eyes were directed to the cell phone lying in Jared’s hands.

“Kripke called. The networks not cancelling. _This_ season anyway.”

The ‘Thank God’ flittered momentarily through Jensen’s mind and then he thought about facing the rest of the cast and the crew and that little happiness died away. He talked to most of the guys on set – knew most of their wives and husbands and kids names too – and maybe they weren’t best buds but it was friendly enough. The realisation he’d have to face these people again, these people who’d probably witnessed him taking it up the ass like a pro, sickened him. Would there be snide comments, or would they just ignore him and wait for him to leave before they cracked jokes about him? And suddenly he didn’t want to know what these people he’d grown to like and respect would have in their heads when they looked at him. If it was anything like the thoughts he had in his own he didn’t want to know.

Jared wasn’t finished. He grimaced and Jensen’s heart sank. There was more, of course there was more.

“But congratulations, Jenny; you’re fired. Effective immediately.”

==

The next couple of days were much the same, passing in a haze of waking nightmares and stilted conversations with Jared. He popped the pills like they were candy and slid into not so peaceful slumbers. Most of the time Jensen was out of it, for which he was eternally grateful, and when he dreamed – and he did that a lot – he didn’t remember them but they left him unsettled, eating away at his calm and making it impossible to focus. It’s the drugs, they were screwing with him but he can’t stop taking them. It was a relief of sorts.

Mostly, it stopped him from thinking about the mess their lives were. He could forget, for a while, everything from the tapes to the fact that he is practically unemployable. Oh sure, the firing wasn’t quite so immediate: Kripke wanted him back for one more scene – his death scene. Actually, not even that. No, he had to go back and face all that humiliation he’s brought on himself to die off-camera. They only wanted him to pose dead on camera for Sam Winchester to mourn over. 

And then for Sam to salt and burn.

This time, there would be no salvation. No resurrection. 

The message was loud and clear.

Dean Winchester had been an iconic character, and over the years nothing had killed him – permanently. Not demons or monsters or a neglectful childhood. No, his eventual and final cause of death (via an off-screen mishap with a drunken driver) would be none other than Jensen Ackles.

Jared was excited about the new direction the storyline was taking. ‘Time for some fresh blood’ he’d told Jensen, and it was a good opportunity for the actor they’d already cast to play boy demon and Sam’s new companion; from the start he’d be linked to the soul of the late departed Dean Winchester. Possibly even be Dean Winchester but in a brand new non-porn-starring meat suit.

It killed him they’d already cast the role. Jared had eagerly told him all about it. Some pretty boy actor in his early twenties called ... damn. Jensen couldn’t remember. Strange that. He couldn’t retain anything. Jared would tell him something and he’d nod and say yes, he understood, even parroting the words back and the next instant when he was alone there’d be nothing. Just vast emptiness and confusion.

But anyway, Jared was being sweet with him - by and large. And hadn’t made any demands on him, though he was growing impatient.

Just a few short months and he’d be shooting his very last scene as Dean Winchester, before Sam Winchester started a new story line with the boy demon.

After that, he’d never work again. He’d lost his family years ago and his friends – fucking hell, his friends. How could he ever face them again? He’d have Jared, just Jared, who hated and resented him and with good cause. He closed his eyes and swallowed. He’d always known his parents disliked him - as painful as that truth was and Josh had never had much time for him. Mack, though, Mack he hoped to have a chance with so he’d reached out to her. Jensen swallowed heavily. Jared had been right, just like the others she’d wanted nothing to do with him. Had told him he meant nothing to her. The words had gutted him then and they still did. What kind of man was he that his family could hate him so much? All he had was Jared. That was it. And the thought that Jared might want him gone one day was more than he could cope with and it chilled him to the bone.

Now, without Jared, he would have nothing.

=

One morning, finally, Jared kicked him out of bed – not literally – but he told him firmly it was time to get back on his own two feet.

“Quit being a lazy assed fucker, Jen, and start pulling your weight,” was actually how Jared put it.

He shoved Jensen into the larger bedroom and he was confronted with the mess of their last coupling. He was still stiff and sore and he had no strength to even pretend to put up a fight. He simply found himself propelled forward helplessly.

The room was a scene of devastation. Splatters of blood and semen soaked sheets on the floor, furniture overturned and the room stinking of stale sex. 

It had been four days since he’d last been in this room. He’d been … in this room and Jared had …

Jensen shuddered.

==

It took a while to clear up but it did give Jensen some time to think. Mostly about potential careers now that acting was off the table and he was effectively unemployable. He rubbed the grime of his hands and mused about what few options he had left. Well he had spent the last two hours mopping up blood and semen; maybe he could take up a career cleaning up crime scenes. Jared could vouch for him. For some reason that thought made him laugh so hard he fell on the floor, gasping for breath.

Funny. 

When Jared walked in he picked him up and shook him roughly. Jensen tried to relay what was so funny but he was laughing so hard he was crying and he could barely gasp the words out, and by the time he did calm down he couldn’t remember what had set him off. Instead, he pushed himself out of Jared’s grip and he hunkered down on the floor, hugging his knees close to his chest and begged for some tablets. He could still feel Jared’s touch on him as it had been seared onto his skin. 

“What’s wrong with you? You’re shaking.”

At first he didn’t know what Jared was talking about and was surprised to realise he was shivering. “I’m cold,” he lied. He didn’t feel anything apart from dirty.

Jared stared at him strangely and got down on the floor with him, reaching out those thick muscled arms and held him close. Holding him so tight that Jensen felt powerless in him arms. He didn’t like it. He tried to move back and away but Jared resisted his attempts and shifted him so that he sat cradled in the larger man’s lap.

_I’m sorry. I’m sorry_ , Jared wanted to tell him. _I’ll never hurt you again I promise I promise_. He opened his mouth to say the words, felt his throat move and all he could say was …

Nothing.

“No more tablets. Not for a while okay, babe.”

At night, with Jared spooning him in bed, Jensen thought about those pills and wondered obsessively how many Jared had left. If there would be enough to end everything.

He stopped himself, not sure what he was thinking but terrified. Sleep didn’t come easy that night.

=

Jared was extra solicitous after that day. Following him around and offering soft smiles whenever he spoke. A couple of times he even stopped himself from reaching out and tugging Jensen into a hug. Jensen didn’t think it was because of the flinching. He was getting a lot better at masking his uneasiness.

Jared hadn’t even attempted to touch him sexually again since that time. And Jensen was grateful for that. He really was. It carried on like that for a couple of days until Jensen had to go and ruin it. “How long are we staying here, Jared?”

Jared peered at him over his newspaper. He took a sip of his coffee before he answered. “You in a hurry to get back to someone?”

It wasn’t an innocent question and Jensen flushed at the clear accusation. “No.” 

“What then? You think several weeks’ absence and this will have all blown over?” Jared’s voice rose, increasing in sarcasm and anger. By contrast, Jensen’s got softer, and he was almost whispering back.

“No. I’m--”

“So, what is it - ready for your next porn feature? It’s the only fucking job you’ll be able to get.”

Jensen took a deep breath, willing himself to speak clearly. “Jared, I just want to talk to my friends. Please. You’ve taken my phone and I haven’t spoken to anyone in weeks and you won’t let me leave the house.” 

If he had to stare at those same walls for another day Jensen was going to go crazy. Jared left occasionally, on errands and always with strict instructions that Jensen should stay hidden inside. Jen would hear the jangle of the keys as Jared locked the front door and him inside. He ached to test the lock, and would reach out to touch it but each time terror swept through him at the very thought that Jared might be waiting outside, waiting for him to disobey him so he could punish him. The windows were nailed down and prevented any escape. Jared had found him a prison.

Jared cocked his head to one side. “Now which friend would that be, Jenny?” It was obvious that Jen had pissed off Jared. From the start, Jared had taken Jen’s cell and he didn’t want to relinquish it now. “Why? Who do you need to talk to? Or maybe,” he sneered, “you need to hear lover boys’ voice again. Is that it Jenny? Missing your boyfriends’ voice?”

Jensen shook his head, shamefaced. “I want to call my family. They left messages Jay-”

“And once again, you show how dumb you are. Do you really, you stupid fuck, think they want to hear from you? Marcus contacted them. Updated them on the situation and they agree with our plans. And they don’t want to speak to you. They told me that. You’ve shamed them just the way you’ve shamed me. Proved to them what a fucking deviant you are like they always knew. Proved to them that you’re a whore who tempts good men … into touching you and then pretends you didn’t want it.”

It hurt, every goddamned time Jared touched on his past it was like being gutted. Jensen winced visibly. “Please don’t say that.”

“I’m just trying to protect you Jensen but you’re too goddamned dumb to realise that. People hate you. You’re a fucking joke. You think it’s all going to go away if you go back into the limelight? Do you really believe that, you dumb shit?”

=

In the evening, Jensen heard his cell ring and he actually started; standing up, ready to pick it up from the coffee table in front of Jared.

Jared shot him a look that stilled him instantly. Jensen ducked his head.

“Pick it up, Jensen.” He stared in shock at Jared who was meeting his gaze coolly. “Then hand it to me and go wait in the bedroom.”

Jensen was trembling when he handed it over. Chris. Chris’s name was flashing up on the screen and he flushed as he passed it to Jared, practically dropping it into the giant outstretched paw and beating a hasty retreat to the bedroom. He heard Jared answer: “What can I do for you, Kane?” and slammed the door behind him.


	9. Chapter 9

That night in bed Jensen could feel Jared’s erection digging into his back. Jared shifted, moaning, and shifted again, rubbing himself against Jensen, his movements getting more frantic. His hands snuck around the smaller man’s waist and he pulled down his boxers, tugging them down over his cheeks. Jared moved again, this time to pull down his own underwear before getting back into place, his naked erection burning against Jensen’s bared flesh. Skin on skin; the exposed contact made Jensen’s skin crawl.

He bit his lip, stifling his panic.

A large hand reached round to stroke him and this time he did speak. “No. I can’t.” Get hard he meant. “Just do it Jared.” He was giving permission so he couldn’t understand why tears were rolling down his face as Jared gently prodded his hole. He couldn’t stop the painful gasps from escaping and Jared paused momentarily.

“Still sore?” 

“No.”

“Jen,” Jared sighed with only a hint of reprimand but it was enough.

“Maybe a little.” Who the hell was he kidding? The tentative touches were agonising and Jared had to be able to tell from how tense he was. His muscles were screaming with the effort it took not to flinch away.

Jared slipped in a fingertip, dry, and Jensen bit his lip hard. _Don’t panic_ , he told himself, _don’t panic_.

“It’s been days. I can’t believe you haven’t healed yet. And I need to fuck, Jenny. I’m so hard.” He slithered his finger in deeper, and thrust his cock against Jensen’s backside letting out a long pleasure filled moan. “Gonna go crazy if I can’t stick it in you.”

Jared didn’t sound pissed off, just horny, and Jensen didn’t want to risk changing that.

“If you.” Jensen took a deep breath and tried again. “You can fuck me if you want, Jay.”

He could practically hear the smile in the man’s response. “Mmmm so good to me baby. I’m going to make you feel so good when I cum inside you,” the finger slid out quickly and it, with two others, found Jensen’s lips. “Open up wide. Get me nice and wet.” Jensen sucked the three fingers pushed into his mouth, lathing them with as much spit as he could.

It would hurt. He knew that much, and with as large as Jared was there was always room for generous amounts of lube. He almost screamed when Jared slid the three spit slicked fingers into him and that was nothing compared with what was coming. He’d flinched, trying to get away but Jared held on to him, digging his fingers in to prevent escape.

“Shhh, calm down, Jenny. Calm the fuck down.” But Jared must have lost patience because he flipped him on to his front, burying Jen’s face in the pillow and muffling his cries as he raised his hips. Jared took his time, sliding his cock between Jensen’s cheeks, just letting his cockhead catch on the rim, again and again and teasing himself before he finally thrust in, the spit having long gone dry.

Jensen was blinded with pain.

When he was done Jared turned him over, kissing his sweaty brow, and tasting the smeared tears from his cheeks and his lips. As he fell asleep, Jensen lay awake, tucked up close to an affectionate and happy boyfriend as the larger man’s cum leaked out of him.

==

The next day he awoke with a start; someone was hammering at the front door. It was early, maybe not even five yet. Jensen tried to move but hurt flared through him and he collapsed back on to the bed, holding his middle.

Jared was up, dressing, pulling on a pair of discarded jeans from the floor and a t-shirt from the closet. “Stay the fuck put,” he yawned, not even looking Jensen, so sure his orders would be followed. He stomped out of the bedroom, closing the door shut behind him.

It took a while but Jensen shuffled awkwardly off the bed and cracked open the door. For some reason hope filled him, and he watched as Jared flung open the front door which obscured both him and his visitor.

No one moved. And Jensen allowed himself some hope, thinking back to the previous night and Chris’ call. Maybe it was …

Well, shit.

 _Chad_.

It was fucking Chad. He watched as he was swept up into Jay’s embrace as they hugged. Chad hated him. Never ceased trying to undermine their relationship and constantly calling him ‘Jenny’ or ‘pretty boy’ (like the asshole could talk) and that had been during the good times. The guy probably loved this turn of events.

Jensen softly closed the door.

==

He cleaned up and sat on the bed, not sure if Jared would want him in the same room with ‘polite’ company. He looked semi-decent even if the clean pair of jeans he’d pulled on were so loose he’d thought for a moment he was wearing Jared’s. It was with no little shock he realised how much weight he’d lost recently. He bit his lip, worrying away at it and knowing that he was behaving like a freak by hiding out. But … the thought of someone other than Jared seeing and speaking to him scared him – and this was Chad. Jared had warned him to stay in the room – if he wanted him out there with him he’d call him, wouldn’t he? 

Eventually, though, his interest peaked enough to crack open the bedroom door. They were talking; low soft murmurs as they sipped on beers despite the early hour and he had to strain to hear them.

“…colour me surprised. The moment I laid eyes on that bitch what did I tell you? I told you he’d be a fucking slut.” Even though it was expected from Chad, Jensen winced.

“Chad.” It was merely one word from Jared but the gentle admonishment was clear.

“Don’t Chad me. I warned you about that slut, didn’t I? Told you from the start the Mr. Goody-Two-Shoes act was fake as fuck.”

“Well congratulations on being right. You want a medal, asshole? He … I don’t know Chad. I’m so pissed I could kill him. But I still love him. I … I just don’t get how he could do this to me. What’s everyone saying?”

“Don’t worry Jay-Pad. Everyone knows you’re the innocent party in this. You’re not the first guy to be taken in by a pretty piece of ass. Or the last.”

“Yeah, well I don’t need the pity and it doesn’t mean I’ll work again.”

“It’s not pity, Jared, this isn’t your fault. And you will get work. It’s his cheating ass you should be worried about. He’s over – you think anyone is going to hire him? He’s mainstream news: the little bitch is everyone’s favourite punchline. If you dump his ass he’ll be lucky to get a street corner. And no one would blame you if you did Jared. If he was cheating on you all this time then--”

No! That wasn’t true and Jensen couldn’t afford to let his lover believe that lie; he could barely tolerate him as it was. He stumbled out of the room. “I didn’t. Jared, I didn’t cheat on you!”

Both men looked up in surprise. Chad’s look was tempered with an almost cool appraisal. There was something in his eyes that confused Jensen but it was gone before he could identify it. Chad shut down and looked away from him like he was a mild irritation that could be ignored.

Jared was deceptively calm. “Get back in bed Jensen and I’ll get you your pills.” Anger crackled out of every one of Jared’s pores and Jensen stumbled backwards. He was suddenly sure Jared would kill him for this. Jensen looked up desperately at Chad, but the shorter man was looking anywhere but at him.

“Is he always this bad?”

“He needs the pills. They calm him down. He’s not coping well with all of this.”

“I bet he isn’t,” Chad sneered back, still not even bothering to glance at him.

Jared gripped Jensen’s arm and frogmarched him back into the bedroom. He threw him down roughly on to the bed. He spoke quietly. “You can’t quit embarrassing me, can you?”

Jensen shook his head; he had to make him understand. “I wasn’t cheating on you. Tell me you believe me. This thing with Chris – this thing--” Jared moved so suddenly Jensen flinched and scampered backwards on the bed. 

“I am sick of hearing your voice. Just shut your goddamn mouth or I’ll shut it for you,” he threatened. He reached into a drawer and grabbed some pills from a bottle and advanced on Jensen. “Take these.”

Jensen shook his head.

“You stupid little bitch,” Jared sneered, clearly frustrated. He leapt onto the bed, straddling Jensen and gripped his face and forced open his mouth. Jensen moaned as the pills were pushed past his lips onto his tongue. Jared smiled, pushing one large hand over his mouth and nose and forcing him to swallow. “You keep it down or I’ll give you something to regret when he leaves,” he whispered. 

Jensen nodded, hoping it would be enough to get Jared off but the other man stayed there, straddling his hips until the drugs kicked in and Jensen felt the pull of sleep overwhelm him.

==

Jared must have doubled the dose because the next thing Jensen knew it was night-time again and someone was touching him, gently wiping his face with a damp cloth. He shook them off and fell into an almost slumber when whoever the asshole was touching him, started shaking him.

“Wake the fuck up, we don’t have that much time.” Whoever it was sounded stressed.

“Wha--” He looked around, not understanding what the hell was happening. Someone was gripping his shoulders and shaking him but his head felt too muzzy. “Quit shaking me!”

He opened his eyes and found Chad staring back at him, all wide-eyed and sweaty and pissed-off looking.

“Halle-fucking-lulah. It wakes.”

“Get off me Murray,” he said or tried to say but Chad shook his head.

“Dude you’re not making much sense. Get the fuck up and come with me.”

“Don’t touch me,” Jensen tried to scoot back. “Jay will… please don’t.” Chad’s expression softened.

“C’mon dude, I’m taking you out of here. Away from Jared.”

He had to be out of his freaking mind. Chad was making no sense. “Jared. He’ll.” Terror swept through Jensen and he cast his gaze frantically about the room. Chad must have noticed because when he spoke again his tone softened further.

“I slipped him something in his drink - you don’t want to know what - and there is nothing in the world that is going to wake him up for the next couple of hours. But right now you’ve got to get up and help me get you the hell out of here.”

Jensen didn’t understand but he shuffled off the bed and onto his feet. Chad helped pull him up and keep him there. He followed as Chad dragged him somewhere, blocking out everything as he kept his eyes steadily on the door. 

==

Thirty minutes later and Chad waited in the car, tapping the steering wheel frantically. Jensen was conked out in the back seat partially hidden under blankets, and yeah, it would have been more comfortable to wait in the house but there was nothing in the world that would make him step foot back into that place. He was shaking, still in shock he realised.

He was so engrossed in his thoughts he didn’t notice he had company until a car pulled up next to him and the driver stepped out. Finally! He got out quickly, forestalling the other driver from stepping any closer. If he saw Jensen … He threw the keys at him, and the other man caught them easily and stayed where he was. Chad nodded at the house. “He’s all yours.”

“Is--?” he made a furtive gesture towards Chad’s car and a chill swept through him. 

He stepped forward, effectively blocking the other man. “Not now. Later.”

Chad didn’t wait for him to respond, didn’t even wait to see if he walked into the house. He could not afford for him to see Jensen like this, and he didn’t want any awkward questions that might add fuel to the fire and result in things going a little too far. Not now, not when it could push him over the edge. Not when he wasn’t even sure he cared if things did go too far.

He sped away, and it wasn’t until he was halfway out of the drive that he cast a look back in the rear-view mirror. The man had watched him drive away, not moving, and still clasping the keys. He turned away now though, as if aware of Chad watching and strode purposefully towards the house.

Chad swore under his breath.

He really hoped Kane didn’t kill Jared.

==

Jensen blinked a couple of times. He was sore and stiff and in pain but that was normal for him these days. What normal didn’t include was waking up next to Chad. Just to be sure he blinked again and –

Yup. He was in a car and Chad was still there. Driving, like it was normal. Apart from a fleeting glance, Chad kept his eyes on the road like it was business as usual. “How you feeling?” 

There wasn’t one part of Jensen’s body that didn’t hurt, and sitting in the passenger seat next to Chad helped top this as one of the more surreal moments in his life. He flashed back to being dragged out of the house by Chad and that helped a bit with the chain of events. “Just peachy.”

Chad smirked at the sarcasm. “We’ll be stopping soon. Get a room and you can get some real rest. And a big drink Jenny-boy for that sore throat of yours.”

“How long was I sleeping?”

“Not enough,” Chad told him straight. “A couple of hours. You were out of it enough not to wake up when I moved you into the passenger seat.” That earned him a look. “I got lonely up here driving by myself okay?” Plus, he’d been half out his mind that Jensen wasn’t breathing. “Man, you look like you haven’t had enough sleep or food for months.”

Jensen ignored the implied concern and pushed past his exhaustion. The mystery was driving him crazy. “What is this, Chad?”

The smile was gone from Chad’s profile and he shook his head slowly as if he was really considering the question. Finally he shook his shoulders and softly admitted, “Damned if I know.”

“Then tell me why you’re doing this – helping me? You don’t even like me.”

Chad shot him a mildly surprised glance, tinged with guilt. “Yeah, I guess it comes across that way.” He paused, as if wanting to choose his words carefully. “It was never you - I didn’t like Jared being with you.” It’s the wrong thing to say and he saw that immediately; Jensen’s hackles rise fast so he quickly added more: “Not because of you. Well, kind of because of you but only because Jared was crazy about you. The way he looked at you, the way he talked about you … it was wrong. Right from the get go. It was _off_ … and it scared the hell out of me. He was different when he was with you – hell, when he just talked about you. He … he’d been my best friend for a decade, and I loved that guy. But I didn’t like him when he was with you. He wasn’t the same.” 

He cast Jensen a quick look as he was sinking into his seat, looking profoundly uncomfortable. Jensen didn’t get it and Chad was frustrated that he couldn’t explain his unease was clearly aimed at Jared. “It’s not you, Jensen. It’s Jared. He was … fanatical … about you. It scared the shit out of me. And it’s not your fault, that’s not what I’m saying.”

Jensen didn’t like Chad’s usage of past tense: ‘been my best friend’, ‘I loved’. What the hell? It was as if Chad had decided to cut all ties with Jared and it scared him how much Chad actually knew. 

He closed his eyes and let the next couple of hours pass in silence. 

==

Kane slumped in the armchair. It was a waiting game now and after the last day and a half the sudden calm was unnerving.

His muscles ached and it was little surprise; for the last 30 hours he’d been running on pure adrenalin, holding his anxiety in and doing his best not to panic. After speaking to Jared he’d not had a moment’s peace; he’d called in favours and just _did_ what he could with only one goal in mind; to track down Jensen and get him away from that fucker.

Right now that panic was catching up with him but he wasn’t crashing the way he expected. He’d pulled all-nighters before, hell, he’d once spent a mad four days without sleep on a pretty spectacular extended drinking binge (best long weekend of his fucking life), and by the time he was through his friends had to scrape him off the floor and pour him into bed. But this was different and as exhausted as he was, he wasn’t done yet. He couldn’t relax until he’d seen this through to the bitter end. A small part of him hoped it would help with the debt he owed Jenny, not that he ever expected to make full amends for his screw up.

In the meantime he watched Padalecki sleep off whatever drugs Murray had fed him. They’d been effective and Padalecki had gone down fast and hard, and Murray had left him in an ungainly heap on the floor where he’d dropped. He was gonna have a hell of a full body ache when he woke. On the way down he’d hit the floor hard and there was a faint trickle of blood on his temple. Not a major injury though, mores the pity.

The son of a bitch was still breathing after all.

Kane took a sip of beer and stared at the bottle. First alcohol he’d had in that time too. He hadn’t realised how badly he needed a drink. Later, after this was over, he was going to drink himself into oblivion. 

Jared didn’t stir once. Like this, it was easy to read in his face the man Kane thought he knew. Loud, goofy, good natured, and crazy about Jensen. Crazy in all the right ways too - meaning he put Jenny on a pedestal and worshipped him. Yeah, he’d been a little obsessive in any perceived threat to the man, but Chris had always privately sided with Jared on that: Jensen, no matter what he thought, needed guarding. After the bullshit his family pulled it didn’t hurt to see Jen treated kindly for once, and he’d seen first-hand how the younger man’s unearthly beauty affected others. Hell, the world was full of assholes.

Waiting didn’t come easy to Chris, he wasn’t a patient man (more like a stubborn asshole, Jensen would argue), but now it gave him an opportunity to think. For years now he’d been watching over Jenny with only one rule in mind: no one was allowed to hurt him. 

Overall, it was an epic fail – and his own hypocrisy only added fuel to his anger. He’d fucked up, and then fucked up further by trusting Jared to do the right thing and because of that Jensen had been alone with the monster for nearly a month. It was his guilt and misplaced trust that had granted Jared time to abuse Jensen. Sure, he had concerns before, but the touch paper had been well and truly lit after he’d heard Padalecki boasting, making it clear he was punishing Jensen, that he was ‘beating sense into the bitch’.

He winced, thinking about how Padalecki had laughed, taunting him. Joking he could barely lift a finger without Jensen flinching. That he’d make sure Jensen never saw Chris again because he’d be too damned scared to defy him.

It had taken that - Padalecki’s poisonous bile - to spur him into action. All of which went to show he was a poor ass excuse of a friend; especially when considered next to Murray. Chad had been too easy to draft in to help. And wasn’t that the kicker? Jared’s friend had grasped the risks quickly and had been even quicker to come up with a plan. Who the hell knew he’d turn out to be a better friend to Jensen than Chris?

Well, maybe the entire damned universe. 

For one, Murray didn’t own a private collection of voyeuristic Jensen porn and then been negligent enough to leave it lying around for the first grubby thief to steal and upload. Hell, by any measure Kane was a crappy friend.

It took another couple of hours before Padalecki finally moved, groaning piteously. It wasn’t enough; he was too out of it, he wanted the bastard wide awake and he would wait patiently for him to clear his head. Kane needed him fully conscious when he beat the living shit out of him. More importantly he needed the bastard healthy enough to hit back just as hard. Neither of them deserved anything less.

Jared looked up, staring at him from the floor, his confusion all too clear. He blinked slowly and looked around clearly searching. “Jenny,” he slurred, “wha’ you done, you bitch?” 

Rage, red hot and bitter, swept through Kane. It was show time.

Chris hunkered down so he was nearly eye level with Jared, grinning evilly all the while. “Jenny’s gone. Sorry he didn’t stick around to say fuck you forever but he was too busy escaping your sorry ass. Now, get some sleep, Jared. I need you good and rested before I kick your ass.”

Jared’s eyes rolled back and he fell into an exhausted sleep.

That was fine by Chris. For now he could wait. He had time.

==

On the long, never-ending drive with Chad, Jensen barely spoke. He didn’t even know where Murray was taking him but they’d already been on the road for days. In the meantime he let himself be manoeuvred back and forth from the car and shabby motel rooms and tried to eat whatever was put in front of him. Each time Chad shoved huge amounts of food and drink at him, Jensen tried to contain the nausea caused by the sheer volume. He did his best, if only to get that worried look of Chad’s face. 

Chad took his silence as an invite to talk incessantly about the weather and other crap, but after a while he dug deeper, talking about his family (a dad who did his best, no siblings and douche bag mother who hightailed it out of his life so fast she barely left a dust trail behind her. Maybe it was something in the genes, Jensen had wondered silently). He bitched about his career, how he was frustrated at the lack of good roles out there, not that he was in any doubt about his limitations as an actor. He confessed he always been a little envious of Jensen, and saw in him the potential to be a great actor – maybe not the most famous, but one who would have a good solid career he could be proud of. Well, his name had made most of the nationals so he figured maybe Chad had been wrong about the ‘fame’ thing.

It took a couple of days before the lack of direction finally got to Jensen - he wasn’t even sure where they were heading. Tired and cranky, he snapped why they didn’t fly wherever the hell Chad was taking him and Chad snorted by way of answer: “You’re infamous, Jenny-boy; your pretty face has been headlining for weeks. If we walk into an airport there’ll be media frenzy - and they won’t be there for me.” Another long glance at him. “I don’t think that’s a good idea right now.”

This in itself, ranked as the biggest understatement of the year. Flying under the radar had never been so attractive. Still, it shocked him to think there was still so much interest in him. He’d been hoping Lohan had done her best to knock him out of the spotlight. Wasn’t she due another stint in rehab?

In the meantime, Chad was doing his best to mess with his head; buying him clothes so he’d have something clean to wear and sidestepping his kindness with a casual: “It’s that or have you stink up the car.” One thing Chad did stint on was the motel room he’d book them into. A double with two queens. It was way too reminiscent of the show and it made Jensen queasy each time he stepped foot into the rooms and part of him wanted to rub his eyes and see if this was actually real. But he got why Chad needed to keep an eye on him. It should have been uncomfortable but nine times out of ten he fell asleep the instant his head hit the pillow. In fact, he pretty much spent most of the day sleeping in the car as Chad drove (and drove and drove).

He almost felt sorry for the guy. Hell, he did feel sorry for him. And that was a hell of a turnabout considering that he’d barely tolerated the guy before. The feeling had been mutual though, and he knew Chad had bitched about him to Jared because it has pissed Jared off at times.

==

One night, Jensen had lain awake in his bed, listening to Chad in the bed next to his blather on about random crap. He was getting worked up about something but Jensen would be hard pushed to say what exactly that was. The problem with Chad was that he needed an outlet for his brand of crazy and if he didn’t get it he would talk until ears in the immediate vicinity bled.

Crazy, slightly unhinged Chad, who until this would be the last person Jensen thought could be relied upon. Crazy, slightly unhinged Chad who, despite what he said, didn’t really like him but had salvaged whatever was left of him. 

Jensen lay still and made a conscious effort to listen--

_“The dumb son of a bitch then tells me I should--”_

\-- but he was hopelessly lost. 

“Chad.”

The resulting silence was immediate. Suddenly the room was too quiet and Jensen swore he could hear his heartbeat – and maybe Chad’s too – pounding in away in the dead of the night and the motel room. He wonders if he’s been pretty damned non-verbal on this journey, and that any noise from him would naturally grab Chad’s attention. It only surprised him that Chad would notice.

“Yeah?” The tone was soft and hesitant. 

There were no adequate words. Jensen knew that so he kept it simple. “Thank you.”

Chad was oddly quiet after that and Jensen thought he heard a sniffle or two. “You’re welcome, Jensen.” It was strangely touching and Jensen’s affection for the other man grew. Of course, Chad had to spoil it.

“How’d you find us anyway?” Him and Jared he meant. 

“I’m a resourceful kind of guy. And, yeah, sore subject I know, but it was Chris who called me up all worried about you--”

“ _Wait_.” What the hell? “Chris?”

“Yes, Chris.”

Maybe he meant someone else. “Chris who?”

“Chris Kane.”

“Chris as in Christian Kane?” Chris wasn’t close to Chad. It had to be some other guy. Right?

“Yes. This story is going to take an eternity if you keep interrupting and asking the same goddamn question. Are we done? Okay. Yeah, Chris, sorry, Christian fucking Kane calls and casually drops into the conversation the whole radio silence thing with you not being ‘allowed’ to see him. And, what the fuck? I mean ...what the fuck was that? Did none of you worry about the craziness of that shit?”

Chad gave him a look but Jensen said nothing and looked away. Chad sighed, “Anyway, he kept calling your cell until Jared picked up. He said … stuff that scared the shit out of Chris and before you ask; no. I have no fucking clue what Padalecki said but it was enough to get alarm bells ringing.” More like thundering. Enough to have Kane fly over so he could beat the shit out of Padalecki too, Chad didn’t add. Luckily, Jensen had no idea of that.

“Wait. Chris. You and Chris?” Jensen had clearly heard Chad. He could even parrot back the exact order of the words if he had to. It was just that they made no sense. 

“Yeah. We talk. We talk without you even being in the room. We talk and sometimes – this may blow your mind – without mentioning you guys. It’s as if we exist as people without you even being there. Get over it.” It was the exact sneering tone of Chad’s that Jensen disliked.

“Fine, you and Kane are best buds. Fuck I care?”

“Well shit Ackles, it’s so touching when you get all sentimental on me, you big girl. Anymore questions?”

“Chris called you,” Jensen repeated, almost like he was savouring the words, figuring them out in his mind. “Does that mean he has your cell number?” he asked incredulously.

“Kill me now.”

==

Another day, another stretch of road endlessly lying before them.

Chad used the time to explain the sequence of events: Chris, shit scared about _something_ called Chad. Chad called Kripke who was panicking – upset that Jensen was refusing to speak to anyone and had just ‘gone and resigned his sorry ass on me, the little fucker’ and that Jared had taken him and they’d both disappeared off the face of the earth. From there it was a call to Marcus – whose arm hadn’t needed much twisting to reveal their location. Marcus wasn’t happy – Jared was ‘off’ and not listening to any advice he was giving, and he’d been more than happy to reveal their whereabouts so ‘someone can talk some sense into that giant moron’s head’.

“He … Jared told me I was fired.” It was a relief to hear that Kripke’s automatic setting hadn’t been to drop him after all.

Chad hissed, “Son of a bitch.” He’d wondered just how long Jared had been manipulating Jensen.

Jensen resisted snarking Marcus must have been desperate if he was relying on Chad. Besides, present circumstances pretty much bore that out as a lie. Instead, he bit his lip and thought about Kripke and his supposed resignation. Even if Jared had lied it was only a matter of time before he was sacked anyway.

Chad used the silence to bring up Chris.

“He screwed up. He knows that.” Jensen didn’t have to ask who Chad was talking about. “Well?” Chad continued.

“I don’t want to talk about him.”

“He did a shitty thing, man, I get that. I’d be pissed as hell too if I were you.”

“Don’t.” By which he meant: _please shut the hell up_.

But Chad was relentless in his efforts to defend Chris. “I know you Jensen. You’re a good man and forgiveness is a big deal for you. All that Christian crap, right? Not that I’m saying you have to forgive everyone.” He looked at Jensen darkly. “But when someone screws up and it’s not malicious, and they’re genuinely sorry? Well. That counts for something, right? And he’s a good friend. Our next pit stop, what about you grabbing some snacks and I’ll call him. You could talk to him too; I know he’d like to hear from you.”

What Jensen really wanted was for Chad to shut the hell up. So he pretended not to have heard. It took over half an hour for Chad to explode.

“You are an ungrateful piece of shit. Chris is the reason I saved your sorry ass.”

Jensen shot him a look clearly conveying what an idiot he thought Chad was. “He’s the goddamn reason I needed saving.”

“Oh face the goddamn facts; you and Jared do not have a healthy relationship. Me having to help your damsel in peril ass pretty much proves that. And really? You let Jared ban you from seeing Kane? How was that normal? What the hell was going through that pretty head of yours?”

“It didn’t … it didn’t seem like a big deal at the time. And Jay was right--”

“NO!” Chad exploded. “ _Nothing_ he’s been doing is right.” Chad took a couple of calming breaths, visibly upset. “He … I loved the guy like a brother. He was my best friend but if I ever see him again I will kick his ass from here to kingdom come. The Jared I know wouldn’t have done this. You listen to me Jensen: what he’s been doing – it’s _wrong_. And it’s his fault. All of it. I didn’t mean to imply it was anyone but his. Chris has his own fuck ups regarding you and yes, those are his fuck ups. But what Jared did - it’s not Chris’s fault. And,” he licked his lips, gazing at Jensen and making him nervous. “It sure as shit ain’t yours.”

Jensen held his gaze until he had to look away. He stared out the windscreen, watching the fast disappearing scenery and blinking back bitter tears.

Chad drove on, keeping his eyes on the road and hating himself a little for making Jensen feel like it was his mistake. He wanted to tell Jensen that he loved Jared, had been best buds with him for such a long time that he was a part of him, a part of the fabric of his life and was interwoven into every facet of him; every milestone of his life had been shared with Jared. But that he would never be able to talk to Jared again. What he had done to Jensen – not that the guy was talking much but Chad guessed some of it - made Jared a monster.

The friend that Chad had loved was now as good as dead to him. He was grieving the loss of his best pal and it hurt like a bitch. Hell, it would be easier if he were dead. There would be none of these horrible conflicted emotions.

Despite his friendship with both Jared and Kane, Chad had never really warmed to Jensen. He’d always thought him a little prissy, maybe a little too up himself to be a normal regular guy, despite whatever his friends had said. Seeing him like this, all broken and exposed, made Chad feel like crap. Jensen was one of those guys who put up a barrier, who needed to be a little removed to protect himself. It had been his own petty little jealousies at feeling replaced so completely in Jay’s life that made him wary of Jensen. That and the horrible obsessiveness Jared had for him. From the outset, Chad had known deep in his bones that Jared’s attitude regarding Jensen was 90.5% fucked up.

And that, more than anything, had made him want them to break up.

It was one thing, taking a dislike to his friends’ partner, it was another entirely, to realise that your best friend in the entire world was acting like a fucked up psycho over his new boy. If anyone was to blame, it was Chad. He should have dragged Jensen away by his hair in the very beginning.

==

That night, Chad fell in love with the shower and showed his devotion by standing under its warm caress for nearly an hour. He’s a wrinkled prune by the time he managed to wrench himself away, and he opened the bathroom door carefully, both because he was worried Jen was asleep and also because of his guilt for hogging the shower. Instead, he saw Jensen curled up on the bed on his cell. For a horrible moment it flashed through his mind that Jen was talking to Jared and he was ready to snatch the phone and smash it against the wall until he heard: “I’m good, Chris.” Even if Jensen wasn’t saying much in return, the fact that he was listening was a big win.

He closed the door and left him to it.

==

Hours later and Chad was lying in his narrow motel bed, cursing his clear exhaustion and his sadistic inability to sleep. He could hear Jensen shifting around in bed, unmistakably not sleeping either and thought _what the hell_. He had to speak sometime, or this thing would eat him up alive.

“Jensen. I have to ask you something.”

“What is it?”

“Don’t be mad. It’s about Jared.” Well Jensen had figured as much. “Did Jared… Fuck. Was he hurting you?” He pushed out the words fast.

There was an uncomfortable pause before he got an answer. “He was a little rough--”

“C’mon, Jen. I know he hit you. I’d have to be a fucking idiot not to know that and it was more than a ‘little rough’. You’re still bruised up and you’re going to be for some time. That’s not what I mean.”

Jensen’s voice when he spoke was tense, and there was a clear undertone warning him to back off. “I don’t know what you’re asking.”

“Please, man. Don’t make me say it.” Jensen stiffened. Chad sounded broken and he had a horrible idea he knew what he was getting at. He just didn’t understand how Chad knew. “You asked me why I helped you,” Chad asked.

“You told me. You said--”

“I said bull,” Chad snapped. They were skating too close to the truth and that was something he could never confess. He was grateful for the dark so he didn’t have to see Jensen. He took a deep breath and forced the words out. “He was raping you, wasn’t he?”

Jensen stilled and thought his heart would burst through his chest. He closed his eyes, grateful for the cover of darkness and took several deep breaths, not trusting himself to speak until he had more control. “No. Whatever you’re thinking is crazy, Chad. Jared wouldn’t do that.”

Chad wished to god he didn’t, but he knows Jared screwed Jensen while he was drugged out. He hadn’t been aware of it at the time, but when Jared had come back he’d smirked and said … It didn’t matter what he said.

It was rape. 

Jensen didn’t know about what Jared had done – this time - he was pretty sure of that. And Chad wished he didn’t either and he didn’t want the other man to hide it anymore.

“We both know that is a fucking lie,” he barked out. “He fucked you. When you were unconscious, okay? You know, after he drugged you, with me in the next fucking room? I’m not an idiot so don’t lie to me.”

Ice cold fear flooded Jensen. What the hell had Jared done (to him)? “It wasn’t like that.”

“Yeah, it was,” Chad interrupted, absolutely in the mood for no bull crap. He felt so goddamned tired. He rubbed his eyes wearily. “He dosed you up with whatever crap he was giving you and then when you were under he fucked you. You weren’t awake so don’t kid yourself there was any consent. Hell, until now you didn’t even know about it.” He put it out there, ashamed at the brutality of his words but needing to hear the response.

He was greeted with silence, just the tortured breathing of someone trying to get it together.

Finally, a gasped out: “You saw him … ”

“No!” He sat up in the bed and switched on the bedside light. It didn’t throw up much light but it was better than nothing and Chad had to see Jensen; had to reassure him and make him understand. In the other bed Jensen had turned his back to him and was facing the wall. “No way would I have let him do it you. If I’d known I would have stopped him, I swear to you, Jensen, I would not have let him do that to you.”

“So how do you know he did?”

“He said something. It was … unpleasant.”

_Unpleasant._

That was a mightily diplomatic word for him to use and he felt phoney using it. He took a deep breath and plunged onwards. “And when I checked, you were out. Like ‘sedated and out for the count’ out. You were …” he paused, took a deep breath and then another deeper breath. To his horror he discovered how close he was to crying. “He’d pulled down your jeans but not all the way.” He flashed back to his horror at finding Jensen exposed that way – and how vulnerable he’d looked with his t-shirt rucked up over his chest and Jared’s seed between his thighs and dribbled over his eyes and lips.

There was no way it had been consensual, and there was even less chance that Chad would ever tell Jensen he’d cleaned and dressed him the best he could before waking him up. He’d had to use a wet flannel to wipe the encrusted cum from Jensen’s face and nearly puked doing so. Even now his stomach clenched recalling the remnants of abuse littering Jen’s body. 

It would be just another thing he wouldn’t mention - along with the frequent long showers Jensen took and the nightmares that plagued him every night.

He could hear Jensen shifting slightly in the other bed, and in the dim light he saw Jensen’s shoulders quaking as he sobbed silently, his back still turned to Chad. He debated getting out of bed to comfort him but the moment his feet touched the ground Jensen straightened.

“Don’t touch me. Please.” He might have ignored the words if he hadn’t detected the very real fear.

Chad fell back into the bed and switched off the light. He lay back in the bed, his heart pounding, and sensitive to every sound from Jensen. Throwing the room into darkness somehow made it worse; leaving every bitten off cry magnified.

For a long time Jensen said nothing and when he spoke his voice was strangled but he’d given up on denial. “Don’t tell anyone.” He sounded so young and hurt it broke Chad to hear him. “Please Chad, please don’t.” 

It was torture. Listening to Jensen beg for him to keep quiet in between his tears and knowing that any physical comfort he could offer would be rebuffed. It came down to Jensen begging for his choice to be respected – just this once. 

“Please Chad, please don’t.” 

And damn himself to hell, Chad promised.

==

They didn’t mention it again but it tore down the barriers that had lingered between them, and for the first time both men considered the other a friend. It had been a long time since Jensen had made a new friend and it was he realised, a good feeling.

==

Chad phoned ahead so that by the time he pulled up at Kane’s place the man was outside waiting for them. Jensen had fallen into deep sleep over an hour ago and Chad, when he realised what he was seeing, was relieved. 

Kane was a mess. 

He was sporting an ugly split lip, black eye, purpled cheekbone, bruised knuckles and busted fingers that told him Kane had pounded the shit out of someone recently and they’d pounded right back. He carefully closed the car door and walked up to him, taking in the injuries. They looked worse close up. “Good flight?”

Kane barked out a laugh at the blatant avoidance. “Hey, I’m not the unlucky son of a bitch who drove back.”

“I loved every minute.” Chad studied Kane’s injuries again and nodded insincerely. “You look great.”

Chris’s grin spread and radiated pure evil. “You should see the other guy. And before you start bitching me out we both know he deserved it.” Chad could only nod reluctantly. Yeah, maybe Jared did at that. Hell. No ‘maybe’ about it. It was just lucky that Kane didn’t know the full story or there would be more than blood on his hands.

Kane bit his lip nervously. “Jen in the car?”

He wanted to ask where else Jensen might be but he took pity. Kane looked like a man at the end of his tether. “Yup, and out like a light.” Chad’s hand shot out when Kane tentatively made for the car. He grabbed his forearm and gripped tight, not that he found much resistance. “Chris. Take it easy. He’s a mess.” He stopped abruptly, looking like there was more he wanted to say but he didn’t know where to start.

Chris’s expression was odd, and he turned those potent steely blue eyes on him and Chad felt like he should fend off his stare. The guy had the most piercing gaze that made you feel you were under attack. “Is there something you’re not telling me?”

Chad flushed. If ever he’d heard an opening, then that was one. Except Chris looked like shit and the last thing he’d need was information to push him over the edge. And Chad had promised Jensen and that thought tied him down more than any other. He’d have to tread carefully though; Chris was a fairly relaxed guy but the man was much smarter than he was sometimes given credit for. He read people easily, hell, he was the most astute man he’d ever come across – one of the many reasons Chad refused to play poker with the bastard.

“No. Well, he’s maybe a little pissed at you.” Kane nodded and shook off the hold.

The short walk to the car was one of the longest Chris had ever taken. His legs were heavy and leaden and that sick feeling in the pit of his stomach spread. Jensen was yawning, obviously just waking up. He looked up and blinked owlishly at Chris. It was enough time for him to quickly appraise Jen’s condition.

With his bone structure and features Jensen could never look less than beautiful. But he’d lost weight. A lot, and Jenny had never been heavy enough to warrant losing more than a few pounds at the best of times. On Supernatural they’d dressed him in layers and layers to disguise his slight build so he wasn’t completely dwarfed by the giant like proportions of Padalecki. With a pang Chris remembered baiting him several times about the lifts in his shoes and boxes he’d had to stand on to look taller. Now, Jensen was clearly exhausted, like it would take a month of Sundays for him to recuperate, and didn’t Chad say that he’d been doing little but sleeping? It was with a start that he realised the marks under Jen’s eyes and peeking through his collar and other exposed skin wasn’t just shadows and a trick of light.

Bruises.

Chris clenched his fists, welcoming the ache in his hands and wishing he’d hit harder. Jared had bragged of course, but this, the reality was far worse. As angry as he suddenly was, he knew it would be reflected on his face and he stepped back, nervous and not wanting to spook his friend.

“You look like shit. Been picking fights, Kane?”

Kane. Not Chris or a sarcastic Christian. From anyone else that would be fine but he and Jen had never pulled that crap with each other.

“Nothing unwarranted, I promise.”

Jen tried to keep eye contact with him, but he dropped his gaze to the floor, and when he spoke his voice was small and broken. “Chad tells me I have you to thank for--”

“No. You’ve … Jensen I’m sorry. I’m so sorry but you have nothing to thank me for – don’t you fucking dare! I’m so fucking sorry, man. I … oh man.”

And he was gasping, barely able to speak for the sudden crying jag that overtook him. He tried to stop, tried to stop himself but the sobs grew worse and he hated himself for doing this to Jensen. But suddenly, Jensen was standing in front of him, wrapping his arms around him and holding him tight.

“S’fucking sorry Jen, please you have to know that.”

Jensen merely pulled him closer, offering what comfort he could.


	10. Chapter 10

_(Two weeks later)_

_TV playing in background:_

_….Plus, common knowledge that someone took it upon himself to beat the living [beep] out of Jared Padalecki. Now who would that be? Well, Jared’s not talking but a picture says a thousand words and the images in this month’s Enquirer speak volumes! And, random coincidence – of course! – their sharp eyed photographers also spotted one Christian Kane flying back from Vancouver with a black eye, a split lip and bloodied…._

When the phone rang Jensen jumped. He had been so caught up by the TV and wary of Chris returning early that his nerves were already on a knife edge. Kane had been on constant patrol, censoring anything he thought might upset Jensen and this latest edition of E!News definitely fit the criteria. It was not his usual viewing but morbid curiosity had driven him to it – that and the amnesia all his friends seemed to have developed over the last few weeks. It was as if Jared had never existed.

Jensen picked up the phone, noting the caller ID was withheld. “Hello.” There was no answer but he had a sinking feeling. “Who is this?”

Silence.

“Hello?” and again there was nothing but silence and he knew who it was. Jensen felt his knees give and he stumbled before he caught his footing. He hated himself for feeling scared again. He threw the phone at the wall, watching it explode into fragments.

==

Jensen ignored the calls and told no-one. He apologised to Chris for the dent in the wall and broken phone and Carlson had just snorted, muttering something about adding it to the tally. After that though Chris did his best to ensure Jensen was never alone for long; there was always someone around on Jensen-watch. He pretended not to notice.

No-one mentioned Jared; it was like he had died and they were concerned one mention of his name would destroy Jensen. It was strange and Jensen did not know if he should pretend none of it had happened either. If he was honest that appealed to him, to seal away forever the horrible memories and never have cause to think of it again. Other times he would walk into a room and overhear an angry whispered exchange between Chris and Chad, only for both of them to stop and give him tight-lipped smiles while still glaring at each other. Jensen wanted to question them but part of him was scared to know and an even bigger part wanted to forget the last few months of his life. There was also the part that knew they would both evade and try to distract him if he asked anyway.

Steve was the first to crack. He was on baby-sitting duty one Friday night and he and Jensen got quietly drunk as the minutes crept away. He confessed how he had never liked Jared; had thought him too manipulative, too controlling, his hands all over Jensen directing where he should go, who he could speak to. How he was constantly on alert when Jensen was talking to anyone else, how his easy nature started to disappear and his sudden bursts of anger started to dominate all the time. Steve apologised for backing off, admitting he thought all they needed was time alone to sort their problems without the interference of friends.

_And I let him_ , Jensen thought. Hell, he hadn’t even noticed his friend’s absence.

Despite the Padalecki-embargo Jensen insisted on a new cell and Chris dutifully sorted it for him. Though reluctantly and very grudgingly. 

==

_“Don’t hang up. Please.”_

It was the first time Jared had spoken. Normally, he remained silent until Jensen ended the call.

“You sound terrible.” Jensen barely recognised his own voice, he sounded so distant.

Jared laughed weakly. _“I look fucking worse. Kane really did a number on me.”_

Jensen bit his lip. He wasn’t going to let the _‘I’m sorry’_ slip out.

His silence angered the other man. _“Did you hear what I said? Don’t you give a damn about what that little fucker did to me? I could have died and--”_

“--You deserve it,” Jensen whispered, thinking of all the times Jared had laid hands on him, hurting him. “You deserve it and I’m sorry I never had the balls to do it myself.”

There was silence, quickly followed by harsh laughter. _“You? You’d never have been able to do it. You’re not a real man; you’re weak, Jenny.”_

The bitch of it was that Jared wasn’t lying. Chris would curse him a blue streak if he’d ever heard him say so but the fact was he’d let Jared hurt him for months without lifting a finger to defend himself. Jensen closed his eyes and took a deep breath. 

“Stop this. Stop calling me, please, just stop it.”

==

It didn’t matter how many times he pleaded, Padalecki called again and again. Each time he answered and heard that voice Jensen felt trapped, as if the bastard was in the same room with him, backing him into a corner all over again. He knew Jared was hundreds of miles away but it didn’t stop his heart rate accelerating and that familiar sick feeling in the pit of his stomach. It was like he was facing Jared again, waiting for that inevitable first blow.

_“I miss you, babe.”_

Jensen stilled. 

_“I know you’re living with him.”_

There was enough hate bitten off in ‘him’ to make it clear what Jared thought of Chris. His friend had insisted he moved in – had refused to let him out of his sight practically. Jensen was honest enough to admit he needed the feeling of safety Kane offered and that as far as he cared public perception could go screw itself. Their living arrangement was common knowledge and whatever PR game Jared was playing, he was winning. It didn’t make Jensen look good. The forums and gossip pages overwhelmingly sided with ‘poor’ betrayed Jared. 

_“I … is he fucking you Jen? Is he?”_

He was so appalled he couldn’t stop himself from answering; “No.”

The sigh of relief was loud and clear. _“I want that to be true, babe, I really do. But it looks bad – you living with him after everything you did. It makes you look like a slut. You can change that. You can come back home to me and I’ll try to forgive you – I won’t lie, it’ll be hard for me and I’ll need time. We try again and this time without the bullshit as long as you’re honest with me--”_

Jensen gasped. “You can’t be serious?”

_“We both made mistakes but this started with you. And I know you love me. We can move past this.”_

“After what you did?”

_“It wasn’t my fault!”_ Jared snapped and Jensen felt a little frisson of fear at the sudden anger. Here was the man Jensen had come to know and loathe. Jensen heard him take a deep breath, reining his anger back in. _“I hadn’t … it wasn’t me. You did this, you made me do it. I didn’t have a choice – you can see that can’t you babe? I had to set you straight.”_

“Stop this Jared. I don’t want to hear from you again.”

_“You think you have a choice? That you’ll have any life without me? Your name is dirt and everyone knows you for the slut you are. You need to get your ass back home; without me you’re dead in this town.”_

“Jared, if those are my alternatives I’d take being dead over being with you any day. Don’t do this anymore please. Stop calling me. I don’t know how you keep getting my cell number but it stops now.”

This time he hung up to furious yelling and Jared screeching he was a whore. He was trembling, hugging himself and grateful Chris wasn’t there to turn those guilt stricken eyes on him.

==

Silence.

“Stop this or I will. You call and I’m going to hang up.”

He kept his word. It didn’t stop the calls but he let them go to voicemail.

==

_“Fucking coward. Can’t even pick up the phone to speak to me, can you?”_

Jensen got better.

Now, at the first hint of verbal abuse he’d delete the message.

==

Drunk Jared was the worst. He managed to be threatening and abusive and maudlin all at the same time.

Jensen did himself a favour and erased those immediately.

==

Sometimes, Jared was kinder and he became the man Jensen had fallen in love with. 

_“I miss you, Jen.”_

The words were softly spoken, tender and filled with regret. Jensen would melt and listen until the words lost all meaning and the gentle tenor would wash over him. 

It took him back to their early days, when they first got together and he would have trouble sleeping. Jared held him tight, soft strands of his hair falling over Jensen’s face and would talk to him tenderly, letting the words ease him into sleep. After everything, the beatings and the violence, Jared’s voice still held that power over him.

He’d listen as Jared’s voice faltered and he broke down, his breath harsh over the line as he cried. He never said the words, never said _‘I’m sorry’_ , but Jensen could clearly hear the regret and a part of him would bleed for his ex-lover. In those moments he could picture facing Jared again – one day maybe.

He never told Kane.

==

Months passed and Jensen hid. At first it was to hide the bruises and shocking loss of weight, but then it was easier to not leave the confines of the four walls where he was secure. He was safe and could pretend his life was fine, that he was just kicking back with friends and he was okay. Out there, beyond the protection Kane offered were simpler, uglier truths that his friend couldn’t edit or hold at bay. There were strangers and worse, friends and family, who’d seen the tapes and could call him out on it.

It was not in Jensen’s nature to be a coward and he tried once, volunteered for a beer run and pretended his heart rate was a steady regular pace, that his breath wasn’t catching in his throat and that he was not burning with shame. He barely made it to the end of the driveway before he gave up, trying his damnedest to hold it together as his shoulders slumped and he rushed back inside, pushing past Kane’s earnest concern.

A combination of guilt and anger meant Chris indulged him, running errands and buffering him away from outside eyes until Steve and Chad blew up and accused Jensen of hiding away. Jensen narrowed his eyes but couldn’t really summon up any anger. He _was_ in hiding and lying about it would get him nowhere. Why would he want to go out in public when he could live like a hermit for the rest of his life? The sex tapes were old news but they were never going to disappear: too much fun to be had by all either in enjoying his fall from grace or by just actively enjoying it. And that second thought made him sick to his stomach, made every leer he faced wander if it was him or the tapes they had in mind, or both.

Chad yelled the loudest that Jensen was turning into a weirdo recluse and Kane was enabling him. “And fuck you for making me sound like a fucking self-help manual,” Chad continued, spittle flying off in all directions. 

The confrontation was an eye-opener for Kane, and it was he who finally snapped and gave Jensen the push he needed; to go out and not to show any weakness. “You let those fuckers see that and they’ll tear you apart. When you’re in public you hold your head up high.” 

Sound advice but it was not that simple. Jensen worried what people were saying about him. It didn’t stop the leers and it didn’t stop the videos either. 

Chris rolled his eyes. “That’s what bothers you? Morons saying shit to your face or the ones who bitch behind your back? Fuck ‘em. You’ve got nothing to be ashamed about and those cowardly fuckers don’t deserve to see you hurting. Yeah they’d never say it to your face so fuck them and there weak-assed bullshit. And the fuckers who do get in your face? Fuck them too; they know shit all.”

Jensen couldn’t help himself, he laughed. “Fuck everybody right?”

“Hell, yeah. You think I give a shit what they think? Hell, no. You wanna know what I think about those assholes?”

Jensen shook his head. “I kinda have a sense the clues in the question.”

Kane ignored him. “People are assholes. Not all. Maybe only 90.9%,” he conceded and Jensen rolled his eyes. “Those people that you’re worrying so much about are fucking hypocrites who know shit from shinola. They think it’s okay to cheat on their taxes or lie to their loved ones or go out and steal or kill or blow up others or … or … to slap their kids or wife around.” Chris flushed. It was too close to home and he knew it. For a moment the air was tense until Jen surprised him by giving him a tight lipped smirk. 

“Wow. 90.9% - you don’t like anyone do you?” Jensen gently mocked. Chris ignored him again and thrust the scraps of paper he’d collected over the last few weeks into Jensen’s hand: unbelievably contacts in the business who wanted Jensen to audition for legitimate roles. 

“Go speak to someone who cares, asshole.” Chris stared meaningfully at the pile of numbers. “And it’s more like 96%.”

He watched Jensen saunter off and part of him wanted to grab the papers back. But he had to let his friend go and he thought about what Jensen had said.

It wasn’t true. Kind of. It was more people had to prove themselves with him before he could fully trust them (he was a hypocrite, but at least he knew that). It was one of the reasons he had loved Jensen so much from the start. He’d first laid eyes on the 17 year old kid and like everyone else he had been spellbound by his beauty and figured the prettiest face he’d ever seen had to equal an ugly brat inside. On a cosmic scale it had to be true because it was fair; no one that stupidly gorgeous could be a nice guy. Even by Hollywood standards Jensen was unique. It had been a pleasant shock to realise Jensen Ackles was painfully shy, unaware of his impact and embarrassed of his looks. He thought back to the number of conversations where Jensen had simply stopped talking because some prick had started calling him on his looks; it could be as simple as someone snidely calling him beautiful but each time it had the same result. Jensen would falter, blush and suddenly find himself fixated on some hidden point that meant he could avoid further eye contact. He tried to change the subject until Chris learned to do it for him. 

His obvious vulnerability had stirred up Chris’s protective urges and he’d immediately become a combination of friend and protector. Not that he’d admitted the latter to Jenny because he was rather fond of his balls remaining intact, thank you very much. He’d had to intervene though; some guy at the time had been aggressively pursuing Jensen, at times plain nasty to him and at others possessive over anyone else in the kid’s life and overly tactile. Even back then Jensen’s looks had the capacity to drive people a little nuts. Jensen had been clearly intimidated by said asshole and Chris had stepped in without even thinking about it, letting the creep know that he had a problem with his approach and it had worked, he’d backed off and Chris had found a good friend and new roommate - and eventually lover – in the young man.

The idea that Jensen’s family had let such a vulnerable kid go to LA alone pissed him off no end, and one night, both of them drunk on tequila and sated after a long night of making love, Chris had blurted it out.

“What the fuck does that mean?” Chris figured Jen’s angry words combined with the lengthy pause before he’d spoken meant he was a dead man walking.

Chris stumbled over the conflicting thoughts in his head. Damn. He was pretty much screwed no matter what he said. Did he go with option A: you’re too defenceless and pretty to be alone in this cess pool of a town? Option B: you have victim stamped all over you and you need a protector (implying option A’s salient points) but please don’t tear off my balls because as stated earlier Chris liked them intact where they were.

Instead, his own hesitancy in answering saved him. Jensen had melted in his arms, admitting he did not get on with his family. That his dad had never thought much of him. That the last time they had spoken as Jensen had left he’d called him an empty headed pretty boy who was going to LA to earn his fortune on his back.

It unlocked the floodgates. Jensen opened up to him from that point. Over time he had given Chris a better understanding of his family, and Chris had grown to hate them. Jensen never gave specifics but he had not needed to. Just the few truths he did admit were cruel and Kane had shuddered at the twisted family dynamics that had allowed Jensen’s abuse.

They were doomed as a couple. Chris had been in over his head; Jensen was way out of his league and Chris knew it. He may have wanted Jensen forever and was half-crazy in love with him but deep down he had known he would lose him eventually. So he made it easy on himself. Chris was bi but had been mostly straight and the temptation to stray was always there; even with a gorgeous piece of ass in his bed he missed soft breasts and the feel of a hot wet pussy clenching around his dick. It didn’t take much, just a few flirty smiles and he was bedding the first big breasted starlet he ran into.

It was the most wretched orgasm of his life and it left him feeling sick and empty and loathing himself. After it was over he didn’t waste time. Numb, he left her in bed to shower, and went straight home to Jensen, his heart in his mouth and hoping he was wrong and that the younger man would fight.

He shook Jensen awake and told him everything. Jensen listened, not interrupting once. He was calm, too damned calm as he watched Chris stutter out his confession. After, there were a few angry words followed by some tears. And that was it. It was over. 

They made love. It was sad and desperate and Chris lingered over each caress, wanting to imprint forever in his mind how Jensen felt under his fingertips, how he tasted under his tongue and how he made the sweetest sounds as Chris moved inside him. His heart broke with each moment; there was no denying how much he loved this boy and how empty his life would be without him in it. When he thrust slowly but hard enough to wrench a desperate gasp from Jensen he brushed his lips against that luscious mouth as a prelude to a kiss - but Jensen moved his face to one side and he knew it was over. He carried on thrusting, slowly, wanting to make it last, not punishing but lovingly even as he buried his face in the crook of Jenny’s neck and sobbed. Jensen carded his hair with his fingers, every so often just tugging a fraction too tight when Chris thrust particularly hard. At the end, Chris was shaking as much from the orgasm as he was over the overwhelming loss he felt.

It was agreed they would stay friends and Chris would move out. Right then Chris knew he’d made the right choice: Jensen was hurt but generally fine with it; Chris on the other hand felt like he’d dipped his heart in acid. It hurt more than anything ever had, eating away at him constantly to realise the imbalance in their relationship was true and not just paranoia on his part. It could never have been a clean break; both knew too much about the other and the love between them was genuine and sincere. And anyway, Kane had the role of ‘protector’ emblazoned on his soul now. He scrutinised Jensen with other guys – just a few, Jensen had never been a slut – and dispensed advice and solace and glares when required.

It had not taken long to see that Jensen was a skilled actor and the best friend he’d ever have, but he was also pretty much the worst judge of character in picking boyfriends. He always – always – picked the shits that would fuck him over. 

And, Chris knew, that included him.

==


	11. Chapter 11

**It lives - new update! Warning for very bad (past) Chris and non-con (attempted).**

“You okay, man?” Steve asked. Kane took a moment before he nodded. It was testament to their friendship that Steve let it go and pretended he wasn’t lying through his ass.

It wasn’t the same and it was far from okay with Jensen. He felt dead inside.

Chris understood. Really, he did; the shit storm he’d caused blurred their relationship. Superficially they were fine: Jensen lived with him and they talked and it was all hunky dory, but no matter how often they spoke nothing was being _said_ , and Chris was sick of being on tenterhooks waiting for Jensen to ask, to question, to blame and get angry. The kid was entitled and there was _nothing_ except sickening anticipation. Nothing but _polite_ conversation while they skirted the real issue of what a screw-up Kane was. 

At first he’d floundered until realisation hit and hit hard: he was getting the patented polite but aloof Jensen Ackles treatment, normally reserved for strangers and people he didn’t trust, and not the real deal at all. 

It shook him to the core.

Hell, maybe Jensen believed he had forgiven Kane and it was obvious he still loved him, but underneath the gracious facade there was a tension that Kane would never be able to fully repair. How’d you undo a betrayed trust anyhow? _Answers on a postcard_ , Kane joked to himself. If only it was that simple. 

At least one burning question had to be preying on Jen’s mind; why his ex-lover and so-called best friend had made the recordings without his consent in the first place and then kept them; but no, instead they acted like it was all good and there was little to discuss, but hey, ‘I’m fine and wasn’t it shaping up to be another glorious sunny day and thanks for passing the goddamned salt’. It was like the recordings didn’t even exist for Jensen. It had to be an issue for the younger man - as it was it was torturing Chris on a daily basis. What he had done was akin to rape. 

He swallowed painfully, his throat suddenly so tight he could barely breathe.

Back then, those moments hadn’t felt wrong but _oh god_ , he’d felt a sick thrill at what he was doing. Most of the time Jensen said no, that he didn’t want Chris to tape them making love. He’d got to a stage he knew how to get round that. He would get Jensen so drunk he was in no fit state to argue, and Chris never technically asked the question before getting the cam out; other times, he’d sneakily set up hidden cameras, refusing to admit to himself what he was up to, and then angling Jensen in such a way to keep him oblivious. 

That wasn’t even taking into consideration how naive and vulnerable Jensen had been at 17, cut off from family back home and constantly warding of predators as he tried to land an acting role. All of Chris’ actions had been underhand. Hell, no matter what anyone said (and no-one had said anything), he was a fucking rapist. Jensen had not consented. He’d never even watched the recordings he did know about, instead burying his head in the crook of Chris’ neck if he couldn’t convince him to turn it off.

Kane would love to take refuge in just being a sleazy bastard, but he was far worse.

He had to shut that thought out – he couldn’t live with himself if he didn’t. Neither of them had gone public about the tapes so there was confusion over the details – from dates (was Jensen cheating on Jared with Chris?); to ages (thank God - Jensen had not been strictly legal), and actual circumstances. No-one knew Jensen had not agreed to most of the recordings, and damn himself to hell but Chris wasn’t going to fess up anytime soon. All things considered he was glad Jensen was unconsciously shutting him out, it hurt but he deserved far worse.

Chad and Jensen on the other hand … whatever had happened on their road trip had bonded the two, and now they only had to share a look to have the other nodding in understanding. It hurt to see – to realise they had their own _secret_ easy language of which he had no part, and worse, that he’d been replaced by Chad of all people in Jen’s affections. At first he’d felt betrayed and angry - wondering if that was how Jared felt about him and Jensen – before quickly kicking himself. That fucker did not deserve a moment’s understanding. He quelled his own jealousy too, even though it hurt like hell.

Steve gently nudged his shoulder, bringing him back to the here and now and offering his own solidarity and sympathy, just like he always did when he could sense Chris’s gloom. Even better, he offered him a shot of tequila which he downed immediately. Steve looked a bit perturbed but offered him his beer which he also took, drinking it down like he was dying of thirst but it was that or cry. 

What kind of monster was he?

He had no right to be resentful of Chad. What he’d lost, he’d forfeited carelessly. Begrudging whatever support Jensen could find now wasn’t fair either. He deserved a friendship he could trust and ideally from someone who had not reduced him to a piece of meat.

So what if he was not Jensen’s go-to-guy anymore? As long as the kid had a genuine friend he trusted Kane could take the blow to his ego. Besides, the real win was right here, right now; playing a small gig at a local bar and having Jen right there in the crowd. Clearly nervous as hell and ducking his head to avoid accidental eye contact with strangers maybe, but unmistakably willing to move on.

Chris watched carefully from the side-lines, taking a deep gulp of his borrowed beer before their gig started. Carlson was making him antsy; he was practically thrumming in anticipation, his eyes dancing over the gathering crowd as he tapped his foot impatiently. Kane edged away and scanned the crowd himself, catching snippets of conversation but his eyes, as always, were drawn back irresistibly to the same man. 

In theory Chris was living the dream, shacked up with Jensen he saw him every day and night, hell, they spent 24-7 living in each other’s pockets and sleeping under the same roof, and despite all that Chris had never missed him more.

Over at their table Murray was leaning into Jen, grinning at whatever was being said. Jensen beamed back, looked up and caught Kane’s eye. For the briefest of moments there was an unbearable tension where everything was laid bare between them and Chris had to catch his breath, the full impact of all that he had caused bearing down on him. He was overwhelmed with raw grief at the enormity of his actions and it left him breathless and gasping for air. 

_What the hell had he done?_

But just like that it was gone, and Jensen gave him a deeply lascivious wink that should have made everything okay - if it hadn’t been fake, more Dean Winchester than the real guy. 

Thankfully, Steve was pushing him on stage and handing him a guitar and he didn’t have time to torture himself any longer.

 

**

The gig was not to Murray’s taste, and he’d made his feelings clear to Chris plenty of times --

_(“I hate your music. I hate your fucking voice and I will cut of my ears and throw them at you if I ever hear you whine your way through song again. No offence.”)_

\-- but he wasn’t there for Kane. Nope, his real mission was crowd-watching and guarding Jensen who was visibly forcing himself to relax. He glared at any assholes that even looked like they were thinking about giving Jensen grief. 

The immediate fallout of the ‘public’ breakup had been messy and was continuing to be, with asshole psychos thinking they knew what had happened and were entitled to dump on Jensen. There had been a lot of hate; online BS from ignorant bitches siding with Jared who were planning all manners of revenge on Jensen and Chris. So far it was all talk and no action.

He’d even seen some of the crap that Chris’s agent had received: bogus fan mail with obscene images of Jensen and not so thinly veiled threats. Some it had been bad enough that both Chris and Chad had considered calling the cops but their agents advised them against it. “Big talk from tiny minds,” and somehow they’d decided no action was the best route to take. It didn’t sit right with Chad.

Especially when in the meantime, Jared was walking around like an injured martyr, lapping up all the sympathy and PR stakes he could. Bastard. If only people knew the truth they wouldn’t be so keen to pass judgement on Jensen.

So Chad was aware he was acting like a freak; his head snapping back and forth as he scanned the entire freaking bar but he was wary; it was early days, and Jensen was only now agreeing to go out in public and the last thing he needed was for any moron to think it was open season on his friend. 

With good reason too – Jensen’s entrance had not gone unnoticed by a large cluster of men and women who were still excitedly murmuring. There had been a flurry of activity but little since so Chad dismissed them, reckoning they were star-struck and too polite to approach Jensen – no harm, no foul, so he was not going to say anything.

Jensen for his part kept his mouth shut and pretended Murray was acting like a regular human being and not the hyper vigilant freak he was now playing the part of. He was leaning forward, sipping his beer and tentatively smiling against the glass, his attention fixed on the stage as Kane started their set. Chad sighed; the things he did for friendship. 

“Quit ogling me, Murray.” Jensen’s eyes were still on the stage but that didn’t stop Chad giving him a big cheesy grin.

“I’ll stop when you quit being so pretty.” 

“Oh man, really - is that your best line and why are you wasting it on me? You give straight guys a bad name; I feel this urge to apologise to all the heterosexual women you’ve ever met.”

“Dude, don’t box me in. I’ve used my lines on lesbians – with great success. Why should they miss out on the goods?”

“Because they have a legitimate reason to be extra-revolted? And just to clarify were they gay before or after the Murray treatment?” Jensen shook his head sadly. “Don’t bother. I feel for all woman-kind. And I thought I had it bad.”

“Don’t be jealous, baby, if you play your cards right...”

Jensen grimaced.

“Ah, you’re biased because you think you know me. It’s not just my gorgeousness and charisma on offer you know, I’ve got the full package--” he leered and looked down at his crotch and Jensen threw a balled up paper napkin at him “--I mean, you dirty minded heathen; I’ve got personality and I tell great jokes. You wanna hear one?” 

His friend shook his head but Chad carried on, undeterred. 

“Course you do. What did a man say to his friend before the flood? No idea? He said ‘Need an arc? I Noah a guy’….”

There was a pained groan. “Now I feel sorry for you. Bad lines and jokes. Is there nothing you don’t suck at?”

“Cock?” Chad offered loudly after a slight pause. A woman nearby turned and glared at them.

Jensen laughed, surprised at how genuine it was. Infantile as Chad sometimes acted, Jensen enjoyed being around him, the man was able to get him out of his head when he needed it. He even enjoyed listening to Chad bitch about the gig, especially when an hour later Chris cheekily dedicated a song “…to Murray; my inspiration, my muse”, a smirk on his face as he launched into the lyrics. He wished he’d been ready with his phone to snap a photo of Chad’s indignation; from the stage Chris would not be able to see them.

“Oh man, not _this_ piece of shit song – this one is the worst, the evil fucker.” Chad blocked his ears ineffectively with his hands. 

And boy, did he need Chad’s inanity with Chris eyeing him every five minutes and his constant hovering, doing his best to have it out with him. If he heard: _‘Talk to me man; I just want you to be happy’_ one more time he’d scream. It was just fine between them. He just needed time to clear his head and Chris couldn’t seem to understand that. 

Chad did. He had tried pushing the idea of Jensen seeing a shrink but he backed off when Jensen needed him too. Part of him was thinking maybe he should. That whole thing with Jared had been bad but he was having a hard time not blaming himself. That had to be the definition of crazy.

When he stood he saw the tension ratchet up in Chad. “Relax, I need the restroom,” and hastily added when Chad looked like he was going to join him: “I’m a big boy now and don’t need an escort, Mom. Plus, if you move we lose the table.”

Chad restrained from snapping out a snarky response and getting up to follow anyway. His restraint didn’t stop him from watching as Jensen navigated his way through the crowded bar, most of the people pleasantly buzzed and enjoying the gig. At the very least it took his mind of the music, until Chris dedicated another song to him.

He raised his glass in acknowledgement. “Fucker.”

=

Despite his words it was a big deal for Jensen. He felt antsy being so exposed and irrational as it was his gaze lingered on two bulky looking men, convinced they stared and whispered as he walked past. He was certifiable. If he wanted to kick-start his career he had to get used to being watched before he turned into an even bigger freak. Taking a deep breath he pushed them out of his mind before the door to the empty bathroom had even closed. With the door closed the music and din of the club was instantly muffled.

He’d used the urinal and was washing his hands when he heard the door swing open. When Jensen glanced in the mirror he saw the two men he’d noticed earlier walk in. He quickly looked away and took a deep breath, cursing his paranoia, telling himself he was being absurd. Stiffening his shoulders he thrust his hands under the dryer. It meant nothing. 

It was only when he made his exit that he realised he had a problem. The stockier taller man was suddenly standing directly in front of him, barring his way, while the other blocked the door. 

“Hey, fag.”

Jensen froze at the sheer amount of contempt in those two words. He sighed and held up his hands, hoping to defuse the situation. Back in the day Jared would have punched the jerk. “I don’t want any trouble. Just get out of my wa--”

“--Lloyd, you know who this is?” The guy sniggered, ignoring Jensen and spoke to his pal, his eyes still pinning him.

‘Lloyd’ sneered at Jensen from the doorway, his eyes lit in delight. “Sure. He’s that actor slut.”

It slammed into him suddenly that this wasn’t okay.

_This couldn’t be happening._

“Yup, it’s _Jenny_ fucking Ackles in the flesh. The bitch-boy famous for getting fucked in all his holes.” In a sudden move that shocked Jensen he reached out and grabbed his hips, thick fingers digging in and pulling him closer to his body and against his very obvious erection. Up close the man’s breath stank.

“How about it pretty boy? I’ve never had a faggot before but I’ll make an exception for you. Plus, you’re so pretty you’re basically a bitch anyway.” Then cocking his head back to his friend: “I bet he’s got a nice juicy cunt just begging for our cocks.”

Jensen felt his whole world shrink in on him and it hit him he still wasn’t resisting, too shocked by the sudden turn of events. He was vaguely aware of Lloyd still blocking the door, but now yelling at someone that the restroom was closed. That someone was out there close enough to hear gave Jensen the impetus he needed. Fighting against lax muscles, he raised his hands to the man’s chest and pushed hard, his struggles getting more violent in his desperation. “Get the fuck off me.”

“C’mon, don’t be a cocktease. I know you like it rough, pretty boy. I’ve seen you beg for it.”

The man spun him around, violently pushing him face-first against the wall and securing Jensen’s hands above his head, grinding his dick against his ass like he had the right to. Jensen stilled in shock again, barely able to breathe let alone comprehend what was happening. Just a couple of minutes ago he’d been drinking and laughing with Chad. 

“I’ve been watching you all night, waiting to get you alone. Those videos don’t do you any justice, man. Look at the goddamned mouth on you!” 

It happened in slow motion. Jensen felt the man’s tacky fingers grabbing his chin and turning his face sideways, sliding upwards to trace his lips and he was assaulted by the stink of sweat and spit, and it reminded him of another time, of Jared holding him down and--

\--Jensen viciously snapped his head back and head-butted his attacker. There was a satisfying crunch and a stunned grunt before pain flooded Jensen’s head but when he turned he was gratified to see the man stagger backwards, hands covering his face as blood poured from his nose, and even as he fell to his own knees he felt a bitter surge of triumph. He remembered a snatch of conversation, one of the Supernatural stunt guys laughing and telling him _‘this is why you_ don’t _head-butt people’_. 

He must have blacked out because he was next aware of some scuffling as his shirt was torn and someone was rucking up his vest. Hands were twisting his bare skin, someone pinching his nipples and it hurt. He waved his hands uselessly to stop him and muttered “Stop. Jared, please no.” He was slapped hard and the pain ignited and flared, adding exploding fireworks to his already pounding head. It hurt too much and he feebly tried to push the hands away. 

He was dimly aware of muffled yelling and someone insistently hammering until a door slammed open, and then there were angry raised voices. He couldn’t understand and part of him just wanted it to stop so it would help the pain in his head go away but suddenly the hands on him were yanked off and the door banged open and shut again … and then there was blessed silence. He wanted to weep in gratitude. It didn’t last long before some guy was talking to him again --

_(Chad? He must have asked because the blurry man was shaking his head and saying ‘no, your friends at the table’)_

\-- and he was helping him up but he shook the not-Chad-stranger off and shakily walked out, almost regretting it when he opened the door and the muffled noise turned into an explosion of loud confused noises. Holding his hands over his ears he stumbled through the crowd --

_(jumbled heat and stink and too loud - jesus, where had all these people come from? At this rate he would never find Chad)_

\-- and flinching at the feel of all those bodies too close when all he wanted was to be alone so he could crumble to the floor and squeeze his eyes closed tight and block his ears, when someone gently grabbed hold of his elbow and steered him back to Chad. He sat heavily in the chair.

Chad swore.

“It’s okay,” Jensen said automatically.

“What the fuck? You come back here looking like shit telling me you’re okay?” Hands were on his face and he flinched backwards. 

“There was … a slight altercation.” Jensen looked up but didn’t recognize the voice. It sounded like the man who’d come to his aid. For some reason he couldn’t get his eyes to cooperate and focus.

“Who the hell are you and what the fuck did you do?” Murray was spitting blood he was so angry. Any other time and Jensen could maybe appreciate it – right now he just wanted the noise to end.

“Chad, shut up,” he bit the words out. “He helped me.”

“From who - where are they? Did you call--”

“No. No police,” Jensen muttered. “Just get me home.” 

“What – I’m calling the cops!”

“No, Chad. I need you to calm down. I’m fine. I just want to go home. Please.”

To force his friends’ hand Jensen stood and immediately regretted it, almost overwhelmed by a wave of nausea and dizziness as his head felt about ready to explode. The stranger and Chad gripped him tightly and supported his weight. After that he faded out.

Both of them led him outside and he was bundled gently into a cab, Chad sat close to him, wrapping an arm around his shoulders. Without any hesitation Jensen relaxed into the warmth and comfort offered. He felt Chad shift as he leant out of the cab, talking to the man who helped him.

“…don’t even know your...”

“…his head. Not his blood… Think he head-butted the bas… Hospital…”

“…Thank you, Nick…anything ever, call…mean...” 

Jensen screwed his eyes tight, burying his head into Chad’s chest. It hurt so bad he was doing all he could to stop from being sick. And then the car was speeding off and Jensen just wanted to sleep but Chad was shaking him and telling him to stay awake.

“Goin’ home?”

He heard Chad take a deep breath, and when he spoke his voice sounded funny. “No. I’m taking you to hospital.” 

And Jensen would nod but it hurts too much and he knows there’s no fighting the steel in that voice.


	12. Chapter 12

The ER doc on call, Dr. Parker, was a tall pudgy older man who looked a little bored and lot over-worked as Chad gave a heavily edited version of the truth - though it was clear the medic did not buy the ‘my friend accidently banged the back of his head against a wall’ lie. 

“Sure. This must be the wall’s blood then,” he muttered as the nurse gently swabbed the back of Jensen’s head clear of the attackers’ blood. Chad hoped the fucker was bleeding to death somewhere and he tried to kill his smirk as the doctor glared at him.

“I need you -” he glanced at the clipboard, “- Jensen, to look at me. Can you do that? Raise your chin and let me examine you?”

Jensen groggily lifted his head and Chad watched the doctor’s demeanour flounder before years of professionalism took over, even if his cheeks remained pink throughout the examination. Ha, even dazed and confused Ackles’ prettiness could disarm people. 

The doc mumbled something about concussion and gave Chad some basic instructions and promised in a mere 24 hours Jensen would be fine. Relief surged through Chad and he could suddenly focus even as exhaustion overtook him. Nevertheless he gently steered Jensen into a cab and it was only when he sat down that reality sunk in via a dozen missed calls and double that in frantic text messages from Chris. Well, that was something to look forward to.

_We’re good. Heading back now and will be at yours in 10_ , he quickly texted back.

_We’re good_ \- like one look at Jensen would convince Chris of that. It hit him hard it could have been a lot worse. His eyes smarted as he spoke. “Did they… Was it sexual?” he asked quietly.

Jensen was initially taken aback but shook his head. His eyes darted to the driver and his tone muted. “I’m okay.” 

“That’s a goddamned lie, Jensen and it’s not what I asked,” Chad snapped in return, still taking care to keep his voice quiet. “Your shirt’s ripped to shreds and your chest is covered in bruises. Your mouth looks like you’ve been mauled.” 

“No. Nothing happened,” Jensen bit out. 

Chad took a deep breath. “I don’t believe you.” Jensen’s sharp intake of breath was too loud in the stark quietness of the cab. “I think those guys tried to rape you and I know you’re not okay. You’re as far from okay as you can be. And fuck me, they do _that_ and I let them walk because you say it’s what you want. Those bas-” 

“- Really not the time to get worked up, Chad. We’ll have this talk later.” Jensen’s eyes were fixed forward, avoiding him completely but there was no mistaking the anger in his voice. 

Chad nodded, knowing that Jensen would not let him bring this up again. Just like the rapes he’d suffered from Jared. And again, the guilty parties would walk away scot-free. It wasn’t right and in the meantime – and later – no one would mention it again. Seal it up in a box and throw away the key, he thought bitterly. 

So he was surprised when Jensen continued. “I fought back. For once,” he sounded slightly in awe of his own actions and he smiled tentatively. “I don’t know how to convince you but I really am okay.”

“I wish I could believe that.” 

Jensen rolled his eyes. “The first time Jared … did stuff, I was in shock and I blamed myself: I provoked him. I shouldn’t have talked to the other guy or made eye contact or a thousand and one other ridiculous things I can’t even remember now.” He shook his head and winced at the action. 

“After that it was the same; it was my mistake somehow and I never fought back. It never occurred to me that I could or should because it was my fault. Yeah, I know, I know,” he hurried at Chad’s face to reassure him. “It wasn’t. The fault was Jared’s, not mine at all. Tonight, was the first time I fought back and I’ve never done that before – not with Jared, not with anyone.” 

_Not with anyone_ , Chad thought but he kept silent, pleased that his friend was confiding or at least talking. For too long Jensen had retreated into silence or merely indulged them with trivial small talk. This was the first real conversation since they had gotten back to LA and he wasn’t going to interrupt and throw an obstacle in Jensen’s path when he was finally opening up. 

Jensen surprised him ever further when his shy smile morphed into a fully-fledged grin. “I fought back and I can’t tell you how good it was.” 

_And you almost got pounded into the ground before that guy, whathisname, Nick, helped you_. But Chad could be a good listener and he knew a win when he saw one – small as it may seem with the scumbags getting away with it. He couldn’t wipe the stupid grin from his own face if his life depended on it. 

“Just promise me no more head-butting.” 

“Deal - I’ve learned my lesson. But only if you deal with Chris tonight.” 

Chad sighed heavily, faking every second of misery. “Oh man…” But the look and smile on Jensen’s face was worth it. 

== 

Jensen had given a sanitised explanation for their disappearance – some guys took offence at the presence of a ‘fag’ and omitted any mention of an attempted sexual assault. Chris was pissed that nobody had thought about pressing charges but all it took to quieten him down was one look at Jensen’s puppy dog eyes. It didn’t stop them from arguing. He’d reassured Chris that, contrary to all appearances, he was fine but the shorter man had started venting angrily, and ten minutes later Jensen had literally thrown his hands up in the air and given up – he’d let Murray deal with it. 

He snuck off to the corner and let them all argue - Steve was currently slapping Chad and Chris around the head for thinking a crowded bar full of drunken people was a great idea to expose Jensen too. He winced, hating the image they had of him. 

Jensen let the recriminations fade out. He was in pain, yes, yet oddly empowered by fighting back. The attack and their attitudes had been horrible, admittedly, but despite that it still gave him an odd sense of achievement, that he was not quite the victim Jared had made him believe he was. For the first time, aching head aside, he stood tall and maintained eye contact and by the time Steve stopped his hissy fit he was sporting a wide grin. He tried to explain but all it took was one look at his face. 

“Oh, you are kidding me. You feel better after that, you goddamned freak? That’s the worst fucking therapy ever. We are not doing that again,” Chris yelled. 

== 

_One month later:_

“Get me a cold one, bitch,” Murray barked at Jensen, pounding his chest manfully. “The men are barbecuing!” Jensen would have let rip but he figured Murray shrieking when he burned his hand when he strayed too close to the grill was karma enough. Chad winced and wretchedly offered his hand to Kane. If he was looking for sympathy he’d sadly misjudged the situation.

“You need me to call you a plastic surgeon?” Chris gave him a withering look and shook his head disgustedly after he glanced at the injury. He’d get a blister at best. “You big sad girl.” 

“It may be small but it hurts,” Chad moaned. Kane ignored him and flipped a burger on the grill. “You’re a piss poor friend, Kane. You’ll be sorry when it festers and falls off.” 

“Nah, I can live with it. And quit talking about your dick.” 

Jensen snorted as he went to the kitchen to grab some beers from the fridge. On the way back he noticed a large script on the table and flicked through a few pages. A note fluttered to the floor and Jensen could not help but read one of the lead roles in the script were offered to Chris. It was a huge part and the bastard hadn’t even mentioned it. 

He knew why too. 

It irked him that Kane was putting his career on hold to help him out. He was fine. It was enough that he’d moved in with Chris for the last six months. He was over all that crap and he didn’t need his friend hovering anymore. He was nearing the backyard when he overheard Murray and Kane’s hushed tones and he stilled instinctively. 

“Who’d you reckon he is? The new boyfriend?” 

“Maybe. Steve didn’t think they come across as if they were together.” 

“What? You mean Padalecki wasn’t beating the crap out of him?” 

“Shut the fuck up, Murray. That’s never going to be funny.” But Chad hadn’t said it to be funny. He sounded pissed. And there was only one reason he got that angry. 

_Jared._ Of course they were talking about Jared when they thought he was out of earshot because hey, Jenny was a delicate little flower or some other crap. He got it, he did but he’d had enough of the kid gloves already. He took a deep breath and rounded the corner. 

“I’ll forgive the bullshit about treating me like a fragile schoolgirl this once. But let’s get this straight: I’m over Padalecki. He could be fucking half the cast of his latest project and I could give a crap. He means nothing to me.” 

Chris had the decency to look shamefaced but Murray looked pissed. “You got something you want to say to me?” Jensen challenged. 

Murray looked rebellious but chased away whatever was in his head. “Only that you’d make the prettiest schoolgirl?” 

Chris rolled his eyes. “Well, we all know _that_.” 

“Fuck you both. And,” Jensen dumped the beers with Chad and brandished the script he’d had under his arm at Chris, “you’d better be saying ‘yes’ to this.” 

Chris eyed him – and the script - warily. “I’m considering it. Now, you want a burger or do I need to get you a plate and napkin too, princess?” 

It was later, after they’d dropped a few more beers and eaten their fill and were finally lounging on the deck watching the sun dip in the darkening sky, that Jensen thought he could ask the question casually. “So who’s Padalecki’s new boy?” 

Murray choked on his beer and Chris whacked him none too softly on the back, as the other man complained. “Will you quit beating on me?” 

“But it is so much fun,” Chris grinned at Jensen, and added seriously, “I swear it’s good for stress if you wanna join in.” 

“I’ll pour this beer over you. Answer his goddamn question.” 

Kane sighed. “Steve got dragged along to one of those network parties and saw Jared with some guy. They looked friendly but not _friendly_. Anyway, Jared was obnoxious – insisted on introducing him as a ‘friend from back home,” which explained the Texas twang. Had his hands all over him at this point but Steve didn’t buy into it. And he’s got a weird name for a Texas boy, Clive Bantam.” 

Jensen stilled, sick to his stomach. 

“Shit. You okay Jen?” 

He wasn’t even sure which of the men was asking but he plastered a grin on his face and nodded. He climbed unsteadily to his feet. “I should get to bed.” 

The guys were freaking out, he knew that but there was no way he could act like his legs hadn’t been cut from under him. He cursed aloud. Padalecki, the sonofabitch. 


End file.
